Blogs are an interesting thing.
Do you write anonymously, or do you reveal your identity? How much will the former or the latter affect how you write?
What secrets will you tell and what truths will you hold back?
I ask these questions, because the deeper I go down the blogging rabbit hole, the more complex these questions become.
There will come a time as a blogger when you have to question how much truth do I tell? Do I pour open the pages of my existence or are there certain things I should hold back? Are there certain topics that I am just not willing to divulge to my readers? And the answers to these questions depend upon an individual’s situation, comfort zone and personal decisions.
Because let’s be honest. A blog is a persona.
Sure, there can be unfettered honesty within it, but there is only so much you can write. There is only so much you can share in the restricted space that the blank page offers.
Plus, let’s keep in mind, that everything I write, is my interpretation of the world. Every single word that graces this blog is tainted, prejudiced and biased from the limitation of my own experiences and what I have lived with my own two eyes. Don’t get me wrong, I write with all the honesty and raw emotion I can muster down to my very bones, but any perspective is always just that, one single vantage point in a world filled with a million others, just as important, just as valid.
So, the question becomes:
What parts of me do I reveal in the limited space that I have? What truths do I want to put out there in the cyber universe forever?
And unfortunately, I don’t’ like the answers that I have come to…
The reason I have stumbled down this slippery slope of reasoning is because I wrote a heated post that I will never publish. Well, I won’t say never, but definitely not in the near future when I still hold my corporate job.
Because I am not unbound. Invisible barriers still shackle my thoughts, hopes and dreams with hidden chains. And I can feel these strings attached to me like fishhooks in my skin. Even though this blog is semi-anonymous, (meaning – if you really wanted to find me you could. I’m not doing crazy shit like different VPNs or lying about my location), I still fear that my company at some point could find out and hold my honesty against me (whether that is a rational fear or misguided, is a story for another day).
However, I don’t like this feeling. It leaves me unsettled with the bitter taste of defeat lingering in my mouth. Because even though I have a considerable amount of F-You money and paper assets, I am still not entirely free. My wings are clipped until I can attain that point at which the corporate reach will no longer hold me in its grasp. And that leaves me both apprehensive and disappointed with myself, that the cloak of authority still shields me from the open horizons that I seek.
And let’s be clear, this is a problem that I have created for myself (well, not really a problem, more a mindset lapse). I sit in this situation as a result of my own choices. Maybe I wouldn’t be as dismayed or frustrated if I hadn’t chosen a typical corporate career, but I am where I am and I have my plan for moving forward. Unfortunately, it will just take a little more time than I would like.
So, I go back to my original question:
What secrets do you tell? Because once they are out, there is no taking them back.
Now, when I first started pondering how honest am I on this blog, I thought I was sharing quite a bit of my life – maybe 80% unfiltered for my audience’s entertainment. But then the more I thought about it, I realized all the things that I haven’t even touched upon. So maybe in truth, I hit upon only around 40% of the things I think about.
Holy shit! That is only about half the stuff I had originally thought I included!
Because, really the main things I write about are FI, blogging, addiction and my personal thoughts on a whole range of topics – which basically acts as an online journal. But I only discuss my job in a broad sense, I don’t reveal detailed numbers, I try to respect my wife and only put forth my personal opinions on matters and I haven’t even started on my millions of hobbies. I’ve also tried to keep family relatively off limits, which brings up another question, the truly personal question. It’s one thing to get fired and maybe have your boss or coworkers pissed at you. But what happens when you start digging into things from your past that your loved ones don’t know?
How honest should you be on your blog without other people finding out… those people being… family?
Because I think about that a lot, at some point this blog will most likely be public (well it is public, but you know what I mean – having personal life people aware of it) and my family will figure out that I have been writing for a long time. What happens then? Will it be a positive reaction? Will they be pissed I never told them or not even care? Or how much will I even care about what they think?
Because the Q-FI universe is my world. These pages were gifted life by the breath of my fingertips gracing the keyboard. This is how I see the world and who I interact with displayed with an unfiltered, brash reality.
What if a family member disagrees with something I have written about?
Well… probably not much, because I can be a sarcastic prick on occasion and not give a shit at all… haha.
But it’s an interesting thing to think about. Because when I turn loose and go all out on writing about a very personal topic like addiction, I tend to forget that there are still a ton of other areas in my life that I hold back on.
Yet, the answers to all of these questions will affect how I write. And to a large extent, they already have. There are a bunch of retirement behaviors I can critique or give examples of from both sides of my extended family that I don’t discuss because I want to respect people’s privacy and views. For now, many areas of my family life remain off limits as well as the details of my current employer. Maybe in the future this will change, maybe not. I don’t know.
So why do I write what I write?
For me, it’s simple. Writing in a way, is like having a conversation with yourself. The words conveyed are a stream of consciousness that I might not be able to access in any other form. What thoughts make it into this open space are what need to be said and processed by me at a certain point in time. Change is fluid, dynamic and constant. So, with my thinking, feeling and learning constantly in flux, I go with the flow and try to be as honest as I can with whatever topic I am discussing.
I hope you’ve enjoyed our journey together so far, because I sure have, and I feel like there is still yet so much more to come.
However, I began this post, with a question to you, the reader, and I feel it would only be fitting for how it should end. You now know how I feel. So why not flip the script? I turn the page and offer a blank slate to you, my reader – my judge, jury and executioner – or more apt, indulgent partner in crime. Fill it in as you like, while pondering a simple question:
What secrets do you tell?
-Q-FI
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P.S. So how about yourself. How honest do you write and what truths do you hold back on? For those still working, do you have any realistic fears from an employer’s backlash or retribution? For bloggers, does your family know about your blog or even read it?
This is a superb topic and one that I ponder frequently. For me, I’ve always agreed with Neil Gaiman who said, “in order to write you have to be willing to do the equivalent of walking down the street naked. You have to be a little bit more honest than you’re comfortable with” and that’s the approach on I use on Fates.
I can’t say that I hold back, but I might if I was still working. What I often, albeit unintentionally, do is share something on my blog that I don’t share IRL. Good examples include the possible book deal, being scared shitless to be up on that ladder in the wind, that I smoked for years or that I had horrific night terrors, etc. In a certain sense, regular readers have a more intimate view than those around me. This is why I always tell Ms. Fate and my family to read my stuff as they might get access to some interesting information. Haha!
I only read other blogs that use the same level of honesty – like yours. I don’t get the sense that you hold anything back, quite the opposite. The addiction articles are a perfect example of that with the attendant emotional intensity. Good stuff! Keep leading with your heart.
That’s a great Neil Gaiman quote and so true.
It’s funny how we do write things that IRL peeps may not know. That’s cool that you direct them to it.
I think “hold back” was the wrong term, maybe “selective” would have been more appropriate. In the sense that I don’t feel I have ultimate freedom to discuss whatever I want, yet. For work and family I’m still vague enough that nothing would get me in trouble… haha. Or there are also so many things I want to write about but haven’t found the time yet.
I love your last line… “keep leading with your heart.”
Yes! I feel the same. I’ve been able to write so much more than I ever would normally tell people, even those closest to me. My blog has served as a way to open conversations I might never have had with people in my life, including family members and a few close friends. Like Q-FI, though, I can’t reveal my identity for fear it will jeopardize my job. Chances are, they won’t care. But if they do, I won’t be happy with the consequences. Lastly, not everyone needs to know my business. If I plaster my name on my blog, my colleagues and others can learn more about me than I’d like them to know. Seriously, not everyone needs to know my life goals, thoughts, or feelings. They probably don’t care anyway, but they don’t need to know and none of it needs to be fodder for gossip. None of it impedes my ability to do my job anyway.
That said, I quickly learned that the more honest I was, the more positive feedback I had from readers. It was rewarding to hear my honesty resonated with others and that they could relate to my stories. So, do I think it’s a great thing to share secrets here? Absolutely. At least within reason. Sharing can also be cathartic. Keep sharing, Mr. Q-Fi!
I think you hit the nail on the head Katie – “my honesty resonated with others.” I’m drawn in by authenticity.
It’s always interesting seeing what people choose to share, and it can be unique window into how other lives are lived.
But you’re right, not everyone needs to know your shit. Especially if it would lead to gossip.
My family, some coworkers and some friends know of my site. I suspect only my wife actually reads on a regular basis, the rest lost interest long ago.
I never lie on the site but I do omit things (like actual numbers).
The reality is anyone who knows me knows I’m higher income, higher net worth. I might omit something non financial that might piss off a relative or their name if I’m writing about them.
I prefer stealth wealth in real life. But my job title and my obvious frugality mean I’m not fooling anyone who knows me more then cursory. Even My neighbor in my last house use to jokingly call me the millionaire next door.
I’m anonymous only to the general public. And then only because of some aspects of my employer and foster care.
I have never been called the “millionaire next door.” Hahaha. Killing it FTF. But like you, I prefer stealth wealth. I think most of my extended family thinks I’m poor because I’ve rented for so long and haven’t bought a house yet. Perception is a funny thing.
Thanks for sharing your situation – all interesting tidbits. I always find it fascinating when you get a small glimpse behind the scenes of other bloggers.
You pose an interesting question the Q-FI.
Bloggers play characters. Lifelike or exaggerated. An avatar of their target audience, or a carnival mirror reflection of themselves.
What is in bounds or off limits is down to what the individual blogger is comfortable with. Blogger’s site, blogger’s rules.
A sometimes painful reality is that the internet is forever, and it really isn’t all that difficult for a motivated party to discover the identity of the real life person behind the blogger mask.
That said, most of us just aren’t interesting enough to make it worth the trouble.
The path I chose was to not write anything I would be uncomfortable seeing printed out poster sized and attached to the side of a public bus as it drives around town.
In hindsight, this turned out to be a prudent approach. As my blog’s readership grew, some familiar names from real life appeared among the subscribers and social media followers. Which was more than a little disconcerting for an anonymous blog!
Thanks for stopping by and commenting Indeedably!
I like how you phrase that, that bloggers play characters. Good and true insight. Plus, well said, “a carnival mirror reflection of themselves.”
I just stumbled across one of your posts recently, and am looking forward to consuming more of your stuff when I have the time. And that’s pretty funny that you started seeing people you know as subscribers. I think I am a longs ways away from that… but you never know, right? Hahaha.
Thanks for sharing. I love getting different bloggers opinions on this stuff.
A great post and as someone who also blogs semi-anonymously, I experience a lot of the feelings you mention.
I share actual numbers on my blog – I made the decision to do this at the start because I wanted to show people that FIRE wasn’t just for high earners but also for folks on more modest wages. I guess it seems incredibly weird that I’m happy to do that for a bunch of strangers reading on the internet but I would be absolutely mortified if friends or family discovered my blog and found out how much I earned!
Talking money or wealth is such a big no-no in real life that it’s refreshing to be able to do so on my blog.
I do live in fear of being outed however. Like you, I have no idea how any of my friends/family/colleagues would react if they found out I’ve been blogging all these years. I shouldn’t care but somehow, I do.
When I wrote about getting made redundant a few years back, a reader contacted me by email saying that they had worked out who I worked for even though I had never mentioned the name of the company…fortunately, that’s as far as that went but it has made me a lot more careful about what I share about my work!
Even with it being my own blog, there are topics which I tend to avoid, such as politics – I have no interest in inviting those kinds of discussions or comments.
How honest am I? I’d like to think I’m pretty honest and I think that comes across for my regular readers.
Yes Weenie (BTW, love the name) – another quiet blog! I haven’t seen too many so thank you for stopping by and offering up the great insight. I’m glad the post resonated with you.
Great for you that you share real numbers! I’m just under the assumption that someday I’ll be outed, so I didn’t have the courage to go that route. As you mention, people are just so weird with discussing money, that my answer was to avoid it. But I agree with your reasoning, the best way to learn is for someone to see the actual numbers people live by.
That’s pretty crazy the person contacted you about your company and I’m glad that’s as far as it went.
And the politics aside is interesting. I think by simply writing people should be able to interpret political leanings, but if you outright say anything I can only imagine the hate comments that will flood your inbox. Like you I tend to tread carefully with that subject matter.
Thanks again for the great and insightful comments!
“Well, I won’t say never, but definitely not in the near future when I still hold my corporate job. Because I am not unbound. Invisible barriers still shackle my thoughts, hopes and dreams with hidden chains. And I can feel these strings attached to me like fishhooks in my skin.”
Damn man, captures my main FIRE motive right there. More clearly than I’ve even thought it before. Beautiful.
For me it’s not just corporate, but clients around town. I’d better shave and look decent when I leave the house. Never post anything with an opinion on social media, etc.
Freedom is what I’m after.
Those fucking corporate fishhooks man… hahaha.
I know exactly how you feel. I’m WFH, so I’ve had a taste now during COVID of not having to shave every day. I can wear a t-shirt, shorts and sandals. I can’t wait for FI…. haha.
Luckily for me, I’m rarely on social media, but that is spot on. Still have to watch what you say, make sure no one posts a drunk picture of you and tags you.
Even this blog with being semi-anonymous, I’m still worried about posting anything too detailed about work. Sometimes anticipation is greater than the actual moment, but I’ve got a feeling it’s going to be one hell of a relief when I finally say peace out to the hamster wheel life!
Thanks for the comment David.