What is it that Sparked your FIRE Journey?

Now that I’ve been writing on the blog for a few months, I want to look back and take a little time to reflect on what actually sparked my FIRE journey. 

For me, saving and investing has always come easy.  It’s almost a part of my DNA you could say and I’ve always believed that I would retire early from the corporate world. 

However, that vision was looking at stepping away from traditional work around the age of 55. The thought of retiring earlier than this – maybe in my forties – had honestly never even occurred to me.  How would something like that ever be possible?  Especially, factoring in healthcare and other living costs, I had just assumed it wasn’t even an option unless you were born rich, inherited a lavish windfall or won the lotto. 

But things changed for me in 2016.  Well, actually, the change took place quite a bit earlier, but 2016 was a convergence. 

Best summarized in the epic-fantasy series Malazan Book of the Fallen (If you have actually read this entire series like myself, kudos to you.  Let me know in the comments because you are an enigma): 

“Convergence.  Power ever draws other power.” 

-Onos T’oolan 

The best way to put it was, there was a reckoning of forces drawn together in a fateful collision that upended my life in 2016. 

I had been laid off from my job in May of that year.  My already consuming addiction was allowed to snowball even faster without the structure of work to fend it off.  As a functioning addict, I could no longer hide my disease from my wife.  Ultimatums were made and I had reached a crossroads in my life.  Regardless of what the next steps would be, one thing was adamantly clear, my life would never be the same. 

The only thing that you have to change is everything. 

This is a common saying in the rooms and I find a lot of similarities between combatting addiction and pursuing FI: denial, accountability for actions, responsibility, health, addiction to things and most importantly, true freedom. 

Whether you’re pursuing sobriety or FI, the mantra is the same: 

The only thing that you have to change is everything. 

As I struggled to claw my way back to a reputable citizen in 2017, I was questioning everything around me.  What life was I living?  What life did I want to live?  What are my goals?  Who do I want to be? 

I literally had a crisis of identity. 

The slate had been wiped clean by accident, and now I was trying to take the pieces from an old puzzle and create a new one more to my liking. 

By seeing the world in a new light (and there’s nothing like staring death in the face to give you a new perspective on things), I re-evaluated my prior values on saving and spending.  What things did I really want to own?  Or did these possessions actually own me?  What did I really want to accomplish?  Did I want a life like everyone else, or was there a possibility for a new and different way? 

The more I looked into everything, the more apparent a FI option seemed possible. 

Yet, at first it wasn’t so clear. 

When you bounce back from addiction, at least for me, your sense of gratitude is off the charts.  The fog of withdrawals has been lifted from your mind and you’re so damn thankful that you’re even alive, it’s like you’re not living in the normal world but trapped in this coma of hallucinatory benevolence.  Most people call it a “pink cloud,” which in addiction terms is slang for you’re now sober, your senses work, you get on this natural high that life is fucking unicorns and rainbows, then it fades and you crash back down to Earth with a depressive thud. 

This “pink cloud” so to speak, never happened for me.  Every day has always been a new struggle that I accept and push through.  Yet, even without the “pink cloud” my sense of gratitude during 2017 was still delusorily heightened. 

What I mean by that is, once you have everything taken away from you, even the smallest of crumbs that are given back seem like finding hidden treasure.  Working at my new position in 2017, after spending more than a year off job-searching, felt like a gift from heaven and nothing could bother me. 

Office politics, who cares, those are beneath me.  Long commute, no problem, it could always be longer.  Maniacal boss, sure, why not?  At least I’m not dead on the streets. 

But as time goes on, as with all things in life, the honeymoon starts to fade and we sink back into reality.  Little things that I would have brushed aside in months prior, now started to wear on me.  I’m getting agitated by drama I shouldn’t even care about.  In such a short amount of time, all of my gratitude had left and I’m just a normal frustrated office worker again. 

I had lost my perspective. 

And the final question comes… can I do this same gig for another 30 years?  Is this the life that I worked so hard to come back to?  Or is there a better way that I should be pursuing? 

That’s where FI came back into the picture.  I started to re-evaluate our finances again.  Fuck the big house and all the things I am supposed to have.  What really matters to us? 

Around this time, I was looking for a podcast that I could listen to on my long commute to work and stumbled across Choose FI… then other blogs seemed to fall into place like MMM, JL Collins and Our next life. 

Slowly I began to realize that I can do this. 

And that’s where I’m at.  I read and research when my time permits.  I’ve re-evaluated my goals with my wife and taken a hard look at our current spending to make sure everything is aligned as we move forward. 

As we change, we adapt.  As we learn, we adopt and optimize where it makes sense. 

On a daily, monthly and yearly basis, we negotiate the balance together. 

So where do I go now? 

I go as the current takes me. 

Sometimes I paddle and sometimes I drift a little.  It all depends on who I am today and what values I savor.  And it’s also clear to me, that I’m not running from, but to something.  Which you need to decide for yourself what is the driving force behind this desired transformation? 

Because what sparks your FI journey, will be a cycle.  The only constant is change.  It’s a closed loop that will forever reshape and remold itself.

Just as a real fire starts with a molecule of energy, that becomes a spark and progresses into a small flame that grows into a fire and finally turns to embers.  So will it be with your FI journey. 

To live is to consume.  To breathe is to consume.  So what will you create to assuage the lingering emptiness that you’ve found yourself wrapped in? 

Because life shouldn’t feel empty. 

There’s a saying in the rooms – if you stick around long enough then you’ll eventually hear your own story being told.  The same goes with FI, if you stick around long enough, and read enough blogs, you’ll eventually read your own story. 

So keep coming back until the miracle happens. 

And remember… the only thing that you have to change is everything. 

-Q-FI 

P.S.  What about you, what sparked your FIRE journey?