What Are You Going To Do When You Retire?

His eyes were distant, and there was an empty glaze of malaise gnawing somewhere deep within.  Maybe it was from a long past memory that was fueling a confined resentment, but I could hear the rancor in his tone like it was a living thing sitting next to me in the back seat of our car. 

“Look at those surfers, why would you want to be doing that?  Why would you ever want to retire?” 

I was 25 years old and we were driving from LA down to San Diego for a work meeting.  We had just hit that lone stretch of the 5-Freeway that opens up to the Pacific Ocean like clouds parting on a sunny day.  It was as if the Earth’s concrete jaws had split open and we found ourselves staring out of that gaping maw at a sparkling body of water bluer than blue; vast and depthless.  The sunlight glittered off the crashing waves like a rippling sheet of beaten gold. 

“Yeah, I don’t know.” I responded nonchalantly – not comfortable enough to tell him what I was really thinking. 

He grunted in acceptance and kept his eyes on the road. 

Why the fuck would I not want to be surfing out there instead of being stuck in this car with you, I thought.  What is it with older people’s obsession with working?  Have they lost all their passion?  Is this what life has come to? 

It wasn’t that long ago that my buddies and I would grab our boards and head down to this stretch of San Onofre Beach and camp all week long during high school.  It was as basic and content as I could get – breaking life down to some of my simplest joys: camping and surfing. 

I glanced over at my coworker driving – Doug, a hardworking man in his late sixties – and told myself I never wanted to be like him.  I’ll find a different way.  There is freedom out there if you try and look hard enough.  Someday I’ll be one of those surfers, playing in the ocean underneath the sun’s fingertips, instead of being stuck in a car speeding down the highway with someone you don’t like or holed up in an office for eternity. 

Someday… 

— 

I bring this story up because I’ll never forget that moment with Doug.  He was always so adamant that there wasn’t much else to life if you don’t work and he’d never retire.  The irony was that a few years later he would be forced out of our company to retire at 72.  He was beyond bitter and I was worried that this would be the end of him.  What the fuck was Doug going to do now that his pride and joy, corporate America had told him to go fuck off and die? 

Most people don’t fare so well when they are that old and stuck in their ways.  But I’m happy to report that Doug was one of the few who was able to adapt.  It also helped that he was a smart guy, saved and planned well.  So even though he never thought he would retire, he had plenty of money to sail off into the sunset comfortably and be taken care of. 

I never talked to Doug again once he left our company, but my boss would still have quarterly lunches with him to check in.  And he told me that Doug was doing great.  At first, he had struggled but then he rediscovered all these past interests he had forgotten he had, like collecting civil war firearms and writing about history.  And then the real kicker came that I never thought I would hear.  Doug told him that his one regret was that he wished he would have retired much earlier than he did. 

I like this ending, because you hear so much about people who work all of their lives and then can’t adapt to a new way of living.  They stop working and then a few years later they die because they lost that structure and meaning to their lives.  And that makes me so sad when I hear those stories, because in my opinion, there is just so much out there to enjoy and experience in life. 

The common misconception I always hear voiced is – what are you going to do with all of that new time?  Won’t you be bored?  Man, you’re going to regret giving up that job. 

And this shit absolutely baffles me. 

When people ask me, “What are you going to do in retirement?”  I always answer with my own question, “What am I NOT going to do in retirement?”  There is a world of endless possibilities out there.  It’s bizarre to me that people think they will have nothing to do. 

I don’t understand this, but I come across it quite often in corporate America, so much so that I’d actually go as far as proposing it is the standard norm.  And it’s always the same, this mixture of defiant hubris, macho-ness and insider clique – that wink, wink, hey, we-get-it-while-the-others-don’t have-a-clue comradery that you only find in the delusional. 

It’s almost like clockwork how many times I have this same brief conversation: 

“Yeah man, I’m never going to stop working.  Why would you retire?  I love being busy and doing things.  Right?” 

“Sure.” (I validate their opinion.) 

“I mean, you can always save later.  But with our house and kids I just plan to never stop working.  What would I do with all of my time anyway?” 

(I give them a hubristic thumbs up as if they are Gandi instilling me with the meaning of life – while keeping quiet and not listing off the millions of other things they can do with their time.) 

And then you come to the different FI opinions about how to FIRE correctly, as if people aren’t unique and we should all mold into one form of belief.  And I’m aware of all the different camps out there.  We have the “you have to have passive income camp – always make money baby.  If you don’t have a side hustle, then you’re a loser.”  You have the “Let’s FIRE even though we don’t have enough money yet – good luck.  Homelessness is the new FIRE.”  You have the “If you don’t have $5 million dollars then you’ll die after sequence of return risk bankrupts you and kills puppies in a back alley just for fun.” 

You fucking get my drift. 

So where do I sit on the retirement spectrum? 

I think it’s simple for me: I want total freedom, but not the total freedom to decide my next side hustle.  I want nothing to do with making any kind of income.  The most work I can envision, is probably still posting on this blog once a week.  But besides that, I want my investments to cover my expenses and do whatever the fuck I want. 

Like… 

I have some cousins on the East Coast who have homesteads in Vermont.  I’d love to take a summer to help them out.  Get my hands dirty planting vegetables, roll around in some hay – I don’t give a fuck.  I want to tour all of the national parks in the US.  I want to hike the PCT, AT and CDT.  I want to spend an entire winter in Maine (though my wife thinks I’m crazy and hasn’t approved this yet – hahaha.  But I’m working on it.)  I want to build a succulent garden to rival the Huntington!  I want to write a fantasy series.  I want to take up the violin and piano.  I want to start a new punk, 80’s cover and jazz band.  I want to build a new house from scratch with my own two hands. I want to travel… I want… I want… I want.  It doesn’t matter.  The list is absolutely fucking endless baby!

I just want to do shit.  No, I don’t give a fuck about side hustles and working remote.  Why the fuck did I leave the corporate world, to be tied to another job?  NO.  If I want to disappear for a year, then cool.  Life is entirely up to my whims and desires. 

The point of financial independence to me is that money no longer matters.  The game has changed.  Freedom pulses through my fingertips like a bat out of hell and the world is open for my taking.  Muwahahaha! 

So, like I said above, if you’re going to ask me what I’m going to do in retirement?  I’m going to answer with my own loaded question. 

What the fuck am I NOT going to do? 

-Q-FI 

— 

P.S.  What about you?  What does your FIRE look like or what are you planning on doing (or currently doing) in your retirement?