The True Emotional Cost of Looking in the Mirror

What is the true emotional cost of looking in the mirror? 

Let me say that again but slowly, and try to think about what I am asking: 

“What is the true emotional cost of looking in the mirror?” 

There come different points in your life, regardless of age… chapters… phases… junctures… it doesn’t matter how you define them.  When you start to question yourself.  You look a little deeper and search a little farther under the surface.  You begin to look back more than forward, at all of the good and all of the bad, all of the decisions made, the choices spent and the outcomes endured.  And it all comes down to one thing, to one simple question:  can you call that a life and be satisfied? 

No one’s around.  You’re all alone reading this.  Sitting quietly.  Entertaining the possibility of this question, as you sift through your own thoughts expectantly. 

So what’s your answer?  How do you feel about yourself?  How do you feel about that face staring back at you in the computer screen’s reflection? 

But more importantly and scary at the same time, what if the answer is “no?” 

“No.  I can’t call that a life and be satisfied…” 

I’ve been contemplating lately the huge backlash that many people face when they try to share or explain to other people what their FI journey means.  I personally have limited experience with it and have chosen not to disclose to many people that I plan on stepping away from the corporate world in ten years or less. 

However, I want to share a recent experience from a few months back that caught me off guard. 

I was catching up with a good friend over the phone, and we hadn’t talked in a very long time.  This was prior to me starting the blog, so I had no outlet to discuss financial independence and what my future plans were.  I figured, if anyone would understand and be able to listen with an open mind, it would be this friend. 

So I got really excited, here I go, I finally get to tell someone the truth! 

And that’s another thing that used to be so tough (before I started blogging).  You have to get comfortable with holding back.  You have all of this passion, drive and fire (no pun intended), yet no outlet to really talk about it.  It’s like you’re bursting at the seams but if you divulge the “real” life you are working on, building and constructing in the shadows of your corporate existence, then they won’t understand.  There will be nothing but backlash, sparking fear… jealousy… and envy. 

But I brushed off all of those negative thoughts and took a risk.  I put myself out there.  All of my ideas and the FI scenarios rolled off my tongue like flowing water.  The deluge broke and I exposed my friend to the world of FI with an almost reckless abandon.  I was pumped and it felt great to finally get all of these secret plans and life goals off of my chest. 

So what was her reaction? 

It was simple and dismissive: 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah Q-FI.  But you’re good with numbers and have always saved well.  You can do that but normal people can’t.  I can’t do something like that. I have my house…”  

And just like that, I was crushed.  

Why?  Why is being dismissive and belittling the overwhelmingly common response? 

So that got me to thinking… what happens when we tell our FI story to other people?  What is most likely going through their minds as we tell them how we are going to beat the system and win our freedom earlier than society tells us we can? 

How would you respond in your pre-FI days?  Would you be happy and ecstatic for that person?  Or would you turn inward and start questioning yourself… comparing yourself… judging yourself…  Would what that person is telling you start to look like a mirror, reflecting back at you your own life as it really is? 

I think we get these pervasive, negative reactions to our FI journeys because we are exposing a hidden wound.  We begin to unveil the lies that people wrap themselves in daily, perpetuating their own self-inflicted limiting beliefs so that they can keep going in a world that is designed to prey on their fears and insecurities.  They are not happy for us because there is a hidden cost that we are revealing – there is the true emotional cost for them of looking in the mirror at their own life and having to be held accountable. 

It’s easy to live a normal stressful life when everyone is doing the same thing.  But once they see another way, they might feel that they have done things wrong. 

I don’t think there can be any more negative feeling than being filled with regret that your life has been wasted or that you squandered your time.  The sudden realization of this can be bitter.  They lash out because they feel that by you doing something differently, contrary to the norm, your actions are a judgement on how they have lived their life. 

But the sad part is, that it’s not.  You’re not comparing.  What you are doing is offering a way out.  You’re educating.  You’re recruiting.  You’re planting the seeds that might one day blossom into their own realization of a way to find their own freedom. 

Because it’s never too late. 

But when it comes down to the nuts and bolts of it, there is no good reason why they cannot be in our shoes as well, and that hurts.  It’s painful to do a deep self-assessment and realize that there are hard changes you can make, and maybe should have made a long time ago.  FI becomes exciting with the possibilities when you embrace it, but if you are still processing what someone is telling you, you still might be in denial that you are a direct result of all the decisions and choices you have made in this life. 

Nothing more and nothing less. 

It’s not fun to dissect your finances and find out that you’re way off track.  Or re-evaluate your values and find that you’ve been living and spending too much in the now, instead of saving for a better future. 

So when I first asked at the top of this post, what is the true emotional cost of looking in the mirror and can you look back on your life and be satisfied?  It would be unfair to write this entire article and not answer my own questions honestly.  Because that’s the point of this blog, honest, authentic reflection. 

For me, I keep it simple. 

I go by a basic four-part evaluation: bad, okay, good and great (I know, I’m using rocket science here).  And when I look in the mirror, which I do a lot these days, what I see and feel is that everything is okay with some glimpses of good.  Nothing is bad, yet nothing is great.  I know where I want to be, at least in the good/great levels for most of my time, and I accept all of the work that is in front of me to get me where I need to go.  It’s still going to be a long road ahead, but I’m ready to take it one step at a time. 

And if you happen to find yourself in the bad, don’t worry.  It took me a long time and a lot of work to improve simply from bad to okay.  At least you have somewhere to go.  Put in the time and the results will eventually follow. 

So if you’re new to the FI concept, and just found your way here by random happen stance, stick around.  Talk to people.  Engage.  Find out what works and what doesn’t.  And remember you always have a choice. 

And don’t wait any longer to rip off that band aid.  Because the true emotional cost of looking in the mirror, will always be there, staring you right back in the face. 

-Q-FI 

P.S. have you ever had a negative reaction or felt judged when telling someone else about your FI journey?  Please share below…