The Gambit of King Making

Well, hello there my loyal reader. 

Happy Sunday to you and it’s been a little while since I dove into the diabolical and fascinating world of corporate politics.  So today I’m back at it, looking under the hood of what it means to slowly climb one rung after another on the infinite corporate ladder. 

I’ll start by making an observation that I have seen to hold true over the years.  You can either agree or disagree or dissect it in whatever manner you see fit.  All the more banter and squabbling, all the merrier fun for some Christmas spirit!  Muwahahaha! 

Here’s my timeless observation: 

The higher you climb the corporate ladder, the less you know. 

Uh oh, did I just let the cat out of the bag?  Hahahaha.  I can just picture now all the corporate directors, VPs, presidents and CEOs cringing as they read that. 

How dare Q-FI say that!  In fact, it’s the opposite, the higher we climb the ladder, the more we know!  We are the ones in charge!  Don’t you know anything little man? 

Let me throw out a small caveat first.  Yes, the higher you climb the corporate ladder there are some things you know more about.  You have better access to particular areas like financials and personnel decisions, but regarding the company as a whole, no, you do not. 

I work on the strategy side of M&A and due to the nature of my work, not due to any kind of power or authority (well… there is a little power and authority, or I wouldn’t be in my position), I have access to information that many people with a higher pay grade than me do not.  When looking at acquiring companies or divesting our own business lines/divisions, only the CEO and a select few other EVPs have knowledge of these proceedings.  Everything else is treated with the strict confidentiality it deserves. 

So even though division presidents and VPs are currently calling the shots in their areas of control, this illusion of authority can be very misleading.  All it takes is one deal to go through that they are entirely unaware of, and they’re out of a job just the same as the entry level worker. 

I say this because this is what I’ve seen.  I’ve watched them come and go over the years like the replaceable widgets that they are.  It’s nothing personal, it’s just business.  This is the corporate revolving door, no one is safe, and only the lucky survive (and survival does come down to luck, NOT SKILL, no matter how amazing you think you are). 

The second problem with the higher you climb the company ranks, is that people no longer tell you the truth.  They tell you what you want to hear and what will save their job, not what is actually happening. 

With your ascendant rise to the top, like the glorious supernova that you are, fending off your foes like some galactic battleship, there are some unfortunate side effects.  The stench of power now dictates people’s responses toward you more than any of your actions ever will.  You have become immune to this smell yourself, now that you bask in it indefinitely, but regardless, it’s the new lenses you are judged by.  People treat you differently, more cautiously, smile more in your presence no matter how approachable or humble you actually are. 

(Sidenote – I was planning on intertwining the topic of power in this post as well, but alas, this bad boy is already way the fuck too long, so my next piece in corporate-isms will address it as a follow-up.) 

Of course, no one in that position of power wants to believe this.  I mean, even I wouldn’t want to. 

What a devastating shot to a bigwig ego that people are merely assuaging them like some pompous king on a throne.  Simply putting up with them until the next prince in-line replaces them.  Nodding and agreeing with their decisions as if they’re the smartest person in the room, while secretly counting the days until the next succession like a child counting the fingers on their hand. 

Not quite the rosy picture we like to paint for ourselves, which sure as hell doesn’t make commuting into the office everyday sound so appealing. 

And I hear the uproar of opposition erupting from those in power like words of molten lava spewing from a deranged volcano; grappling, wrapping and strangling logic as if it were some demon of the apocalypse… 

NO NO NO Q-FI!  You have it all wrong.  That can’t possibly be the truth!  My lieutenants have been in the trenches with me.  They are allowed to speak freely.  We promote open discussion and opposition.  We argue opposite views of opinion and come to the right decision collectively, equally and respectively.  We are a diverse group that I have handpicked without bias!  We are not just coworkers; we are truly friends!

The whining reads like some bloated and mishappen mission statement found in a worthless 10K report.  Empty and deceptive words that no one believes nor cares about in the slightest to check the compliance box in the next quarterly report. 

America is really nothing more than a corporate graveyard, CEO legacies buried like the dead bones they have become – forgotten within a single generation.  No one remembers, no one cares. 

It is all an illusion – the illusion of power that blinds. 

In the three different corporate structures I have been a part of, they all believe this.  They all lap up this corporate guidance and mission statement bullshit like it was ambrosia from the business gods.  In reality, it’s only the dark work of legal rhetoric from late-night high-rise corner offices and required HR government regulation fulfilment. 

But as we each slowly climb the corporate rungs ourselves; we see what is really going on.  We understand the truth: everyone believes what they want to believe. 

No, your subordinates do not worship you on your thrown.  If anything, they’ll be the first to plunge that knife in your back like Brutus to Caesar when the opportunity arises for promotion.  Tread lightly my friend.  For there be monsters lurking in the shadows here… most of them probably of your own making. 

I’ll give you a recent story to further emphasize my point.  One story of too many that all bleed together like spilt ink across a page.  How I’ve stayed sane over the years, running around these circles of illogical insanity, is a debate for another day. 

Back to my story, we recently had a company reorganization in which one region was split in two.  Basically, we replaced one president with two new ones at a state level.  Being in my corporate role, I still support both regions. 

So, we’re all on a call the other day (his new management team) with this new president to help him get the lay of the land and understand the major issues his new region is facing.  And you can tell he’s excited, he has his newly minted promotion in hand and can’t wait to grow EBITDA and double all the corporate metrics in his first week.  He’s going to prove that he’s the man and is just chomping at the bit to make a name for himself. 

And this call could not have proven to be more hilarious (I say hilarious sarcastically in the most despondent and head smacking against the wall type).  It was literally the perfect example of how backwards corporate America can be. 

Here’s the situation in a nutshell… 

This new president is trying to transfer some employees from a different region to his own.  These are employees that have applied for the new jobs, been accepted, yet he can’t figure out why the transfers haven’t taken place yet.  In truth, unbeknownst to the new incoming president, these employees are coming from a region that has a tyrant president running it and a broken culture.  So, all these employees want to transfer to the new president and better run region.  However, the current president knows this, so he is blocking all the employee transfers. 

Absolutely fucked up, right?  But nonetheless, typical internal corporate sabotage and politics. 

So, this poor new guy, keeps asking everyone on the call why the transfers haven’t been completed.  He just doesn’t understand how it hasn’t happened by now. 

And I’m cringing behind the scenes because no one on the call will tell him the truth.  They all keep beating around the bush and blaming different processes and turnover as to why these transfers haven’t happened. 

“Well, it’s because of this…” 

“Or maybe, it was due to this…” 

Absolutely, mind-blowing! 

(You may be asking to yourself why your good ol’ boy Q-FI didn’t step up here and save the day?  First, I’m not his direct report.  Second, there are 10 other people on the call that would have killed me if I’d told the truth.  Third, I know how to be quiet and save my own skin just like the best of them!  Ha.) 

No one will flat out tell him, “Hey, this other president is a fucking incompetent asshole and is blocking all of these moves.  He’s a dick and doesn’t want any of the employees he is responsible for to leave, so out of spite, he’s holding everything up.” 

Listening to this conversation go round and round like a kid on a Ferris Wheel for two hours and concluding without any result was another lesson in patience and business humility.  I felt terrible for this new president who was finally getting his first real shot at company man glory, but so goes corporate politics.  He’d have to learn the hard way how things work and figure it out. 

But the downright absurdity was not lost on me.  Multiple times I found my mind wandering and calculating the salaries of all the big wigs on the call and what these two hours just cost the company in real dollars for vetting out utter stupidity. 

Yet, I understand this part of it.  I’m a seasoned veteran now.  I can accept that necessary evil and take the debilitating and demoralizing value destruction in stride.  I’ve become desensitized and immune over the years.  It’s nothing personal.  This is just how business and people work. 

But if you want to sum up corporate culture and everything it stands for in two words, I have never seen a better summarization than this from Indeedably: 

“Acceptable incompetence.” 

That is corporate America in a nutshell.  That is really all you need to know.  This is the gambit of king making in the United States. 

Seek out your own thrown, because it’s probably more attainable than you might think. 

The bar is low and power blinds. 

Best of luck climbing the corporate ladder one rung at a time my friends, and finding out for yourself… 

What “acceptable incompetence,” means to you. 

-Q-FI 

— 

So how about you?  Am I being too harsh?  Is “acceptable incompetence” the wrong metaphor for corporate America?  What did you observe from your own journey of climbing the corporate ladder?  Or were you smarter than me, and stepped off it for greener pastures to save your own sanity?