So, you’ve begun your journey.
Your mental bags are packed. Carefully crafted thoughts tucked away under your arm, inspired ideas nestled into tight crevasses and fervent new beginnings unfolding like butterfly wings across that imaginary windshield of your mind.
Your hands are lithe and expectant, bending wrists directive with your desktop mouse while brimming in a new confidence as you scan the internet shadows for glimpses of shifting light.
You’ve done your research, so you know that others are out there.
You’ve begun your search…
And then you find it… them… him… her… whoever they are… whatever they are. Staring back at you from the computer screen, a hidden gem in the farthest reaches of the internet corners unearthed like buried treasure.
You’ve stumbled across an online personality that you had never known existed before.
At first there’s something enticing that captures your eye. Maybe intelligence, authenticity, humor or vulnerability. There is an unlimited spectrum of possibilities that might take you in.
But at the crux of it, there’s a story. A single voice narrating a tale that speaks in a cadence and tone as if the message were meant solely for you alone.
You smile to yourself. Yes. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
You like what you see. You like what you read. You can relate. You understand. You begin to believe.
You’re invigorated. Re-energized. Revived from a mundane and drifting existence.
Finally, you exasperate to yourself – this is someone who gets it.
Across the microscopic universe of flowing electrons and atoms – that invisible river that unites all which exists – a connection has been made.
It doesn’t take long for you to become engrossed in your learning. Your interest has been piqued; a curiosity unleashed like a frenzied puppy in a park.
You want more, need more, demand more.
An insatiable appetite follows as you try to assemble who this online persona is? What is this world they have created? Like peeling the skin of an onion, you begin to sift through the complex layers of personality like sand through your fingertips.
The more you read the more engrossed you become. You start to feel that you know them. You understand them. You begin to anticipate how they will react to things.
As your imagination continues to unravel, like thread from a spool, you begin to see in your mind’s eye where they live. Who they surround themselves with? What their house looks like. What car they drive. What other personalities cross in and out of the barriers of their lives.
If the writer has a spouse or partner, you wonder what that person is like that they rely on, have shared a life with, what positive qualities they see in them.
You begin to build an alternate reality that only you and that blogger share.
Time seems to have a different meaning here… online. It bends. It wiggles in and out of the moments of our lives like a slippery fish between our hands.
Some of us wish we could stay forever… some of us do – pushing off the responsibilities of life and vowing to be one of Peter Pan’s lost boys perpetually.
Because this has become our world… our shared space… our escape.
But like all good things in life, there will come a point when this must end. Like a pinprick in the flowing fabric of reality, your journey snares on a nail, then tears.
No pleasantries along this road of growth are permanent. We can never stop changing. Captain Hook waves one final goodbye while the crocodile retires that alarm clock for good.
Maybe it’s you. Maybe at some point, you snap out of it, and the season of your life shifts. A new job, a new child, a new partner. Your time and energy are directed in a different direction.
Or maybe it’s them.
Maybe that perfect electronic personality falls from grace… falls from your graces. They write something that offends. There’s a chink in the online armor and you get a glimpse behind the mask into a life you had forgotten was no different than your own.
A life just as complex and complicated as the one staring back at you from your own mirror. A life chalk full of ups and downs, trials and tribulations, wondrous joys dotted with some of the darkest depressions.
And then one of two things happens.
Either you move on – things can’t go back to how they were. You hold the power here. You’re in control.
Or two – you realize your mistake. This doesn’t have to end. We’re all human. Then you dive back in. Deeper than before.
And you find that place again. That place meant only for you…
That place where time is not.
—
I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me. Has this ever happened to you?
It has for me on more than one occasion. I find something I like or someone I’m interested in, and I disappear down the rabbit hole.
Gone.
How much time has passed? Seconds? An eternity? I’ll never know.
Haha.
This is kind of what writing has become for me. When I’m lost in a moment, when that unconscious stream of thought begins to flow, I find myself in that place where time is not.
There are no roads to get there. No prior trails left by those that have trodden this path before.
I’m alone, with just me, myself and I.
And that’s how I like it. A blank page at my fingertips. A creation just teasing me to be born.
The problem is, sometimes it gets lost. Having no door, having no entrance cuts both ways. It’s like a toddler at a wading pool slowly dipping its toes in one dimension and then the next.
One moment it is there, and then one moment it is gone.
The transience a trap in of itself. The magnificence fleeting.
But when done right, that connection grows. We watch from a safe distance and cheer on our online persona of choice.
Because they are no longer real. They’ve become a character in a story just for us. Our story. A story written in our imaginations and acted out across the web.
Sometimes more real than our own lives yet faker than the fanciful.
So how about you?
Have you ever found that place… that place where time is not?
-Q-FI
—
What was it like for you when you found that first blogger that you really connected with? Or if you yourself are a blogger, what was it like for you when you first began to write?
Beautifully written Q-FI.
Occasionally we find the right voice at the right time in our lives, such that they seem to be speaking directly to us..
In time they change, or we grow, or both. A natural progression, though sometimes disappointing when we realise it is happening.
For many folks in the FI space, early ERE or MMM or MadFientist might be good examples of this. Their old words still resonate, but their later journeys took them to places less relatable to many readers. If that is a problem at all, it is the reader’s problem, as the blogger didn’t ask us to place them on a pedestal.
In some ways I would liken this awakening to landing that long sought after date with the pretty girl, only to discover she loves eating garlic prawns, snores, and farts in bed. Still the same person, but some of the lustre fades with familiarity. Whether we line up for a second date or not depends on whether we are willing to evolve our perception once the reality starts to deviate from the fantasy.
Thanks Indeedably and well said. I like your analogy. I also liken it to someone finally getting that perfect job and then realizing it wasn’t all its cracked up to be. What do you do then? You say it best… “depends on whether we are willing to evolve our perception once the reality starts to deviate from the fantasy.”
Like the bloggers you mention, we are all pulled in at some point by someone. This was something I thought anyone could relate to, even if they aren’t a writer. It was kind of fun to think about and explore.
Nice one! The bloggers I follow initially and continue to attract my interest and readership are those with an interesting story; who seem like interesting people. Since were all fallible humans, the “worts and all” aspect is both expected and part of what makes the person behind the words more visible; makes them come alive
As a writer myself, I like to think I’ve pre-baked some character and flaw into the persona and, of course, my own also shines through from time-to-time as well.
Hey MF. It’s kind of interesting when I look back, all the bloggers I started reading before writing, I don’t follow at all anymore. I think early on, I was still trying to learn certain things, which was actually me hoping I would glean some hidden truths that never materialized. Most of the messages seemed to be the same with just different lipstick.
For whatever reason, smaller more authentic blogs with interesting stories or perspectives are what I gravitate toward now. Like yourself.
I’ve also cut down on my reading quite a bit. I’m not as quick to follow new posts – that’s mostly work getting in the way, but I’ve also slowed down on my consumption, and read more when I have the time rather than forcing it. Also chopped my social media quite a bit as well. Leaves me more happy overall but less informed with some of the bloggers I really like.
I’m still trying to find that right balance while supporting others as much as I can.
Good one Q FI.
My blog reading experience is very narrow in the form of FI or travel blogging. I think certain bloggers are like gateway drugs into the rabbit hole, and while they were nice at first, they just don’t cut it anymore. I’ve consumed quite a bit of MMM and Madfientist for their ideas. I can’t say it was for their “story” or writing skills. But I’m glad I read them, even if they don’t resonate with me like before. I can’t stand bloggers that try to give the false impression of how perfect they are in every situation. I like reading about a bloggers flaws, how they are getting better or learned from a mistake etc. It makes me feel more human and the story is better. This is especially true in the FI world where it takes writing skills or interesting ideas to keep me reading.
There’s a ton of great blogs out there, but it’s just so hard to keep up and find time to read and support with kids, work, and finally going out again on the weekends. I’m not sure how I’ll do it when I get back to a real job building things, as my time priority list is: family>work>blog reading/writing. The goal is to eliminate work from the list haha.
I like your descriptions about lost time and where time is not. That can be such a valuable experience when you are either consumed with reading…or even better writing, that you aren’t thinking about life’s worries for a few minutes. For me, its both an escape and a release from the restlessness that plagues me if I’m not creating regularly. I really do notice a different after writing, it’s similar to the after meditating feeling.
That’s actually a great analogy – “certain bloggers are like gateway drugs into the rabbit hole.” Hahaha. I like that one.
I think on time and reading, kind of like how our blog reading content changes, we experience phases. After a while you kind of settle into the rhythm of your life and realize, you’ll read when you have time, and that’s good enough. At least for me, as a writer, I felt an obligation for a while to always be on top of new posts and commenting, because that’s the feedback I liked. You put something out there as a creator and selfishly want feedback as soon as possible, so you want to reciprocate with other writers likewise.
Now I’ve come to acceptance, do the best with what you can. I’ll still consume the good stuff and eventually be able to comment and support. Unfortunately, it’s just not as quick as what once was. But as writers, we all get this once we’ve kind of been around long enough.
Yes, I’ve felt that! There are bloggers I devoured and now barely read, whether it’s my loss of interest in them or the movement itself. So, yeah, I get it. It’s kind of the same with some of my most beloved authors, like Kerouac and learning more about him, or living somewhere. After years spent in NYC, it will never again hold the same luster or appeal it had to my pre-resident mind. That’s gone. And that’s okay. I’d like to think it’s reflective of individual experience and growth. Nice post!!
Yeah, there a lot of things in life that are the same thing as you mention. When fantasy, pedestals or ideals fall from their lofty perches.
It’s the natural progression “reflective of individual experience and growth” as you so aptly put.
Thanks for dropping by Katie!
all the best connection for me comes from comments and replies. i just read all of the comments above and your replies and i have to say i find myself in a similar spot where i’m reading fewer blogs these days and am sometimes tardy to comment. i didn’t post on vacation or reply to comments on that week off and that was a nice break. i think i’ll post on that some time soon as i didn’t look at the twitter machine the whole time either. i surely appreciate all the thoughtful comments i receive and anyone sharing my content but the twitter is feeling less and less useful.
there was one prominent blogger is used to read and then realized the agenda she was pushing was more about her making the rules and somehow feeling in charge of other peoples’ content. as you know what we value most in the smidlap house is independent thought. “here is the content. make of it what you will.” i just could no longer abide someone pushing their values with the tone of “you all should be more like me and do it like this!”
anyhow, nice article. you know what is the best? having a core group of dedicated and thoughtful readers. it’s nice when they come with a sense of humor on the side.
I agree with you Freddy. We write for the comments, interaction and feedback… or at least most of us that aren’t putting monetizing as the priority. I’m not a big baller like you with your long comments roll… hahaha. J/K. Even if it’s only one commenter, it reminds you that people actually read your shit.
Us kind of evolving into taking more time for ourselves and enjoying life is a good thing. I kind of liken it to my writing experience. The first year I posted twice a week. This year I post once a week. And if I continue writing next year it will probably be even less. Life continues on and we find new interests/goals.
I’ve always respected your independent thought and valued it the same – “Here is the content. Make of it what you will.” If you don’t like it then peace out. There’s nothing forcing you to read…. hahaha.
Very nice and much different than the normal stuff I read.
Glad I could sprinkle in a little variety to your normal reading.
Delurking to say “dammit I’ve just spent *how long* on a binge read and the blogger even calls me out on it”? Well-played!
… and now back to finish off the most-recent dozen or so. 😀
Hahahaha… lurking always welcome, but comments are even better. Much appreciated you dropping me a line Joseph. You see some numbers here and there of people reading but have no clue if it’s actual people or click bots or some shit like that.
Then you just get used to the normal 5 commenters or so and forget anyone else even might be reading.
Now I know there is another person who is real! Hahaha.
Thanks for chiming in bud and hope you got some entertainment from my posts.