Musings On The Stimulus, Unemployment and Paying High Taxes – A Satirical Rumination

Many world leaders, Fortune 500 CEOs and country presidents have been contacting me this week, relentlessly I might add, as if I didn’t have enough to do with my own fucking job, seeking my sagely advice.  I try to tell them, hey, I’m just trying to enjoy my own little pie in the sky here on the internet and you guys have actual countries and businesses to run, you shouldn’t be seeking me out with such extreme measures.  But they do.  They’re like a pack of rabid wolves circling my door.  And what is it that they want to know so bad?  Nothing flashy.  Nothing really important in my eyes.  But to them it’s like drinking from the fountain of youth.  They want that golden mana, that priceless mojo that all the heroes in the movies have to climb the top of the mountain to find, and then it lightning bolts down from the heavens in a final blaze of glory, parting the clouds while both angels and demons sing hosannas in the highest as if it was some fucked-up cherubic family reunion. 

Yeah, you know what I mean. 

And even Buffet sent Munger after me in his wheelchair this morning, which was the final straw, I had to draw the line on that one and tell Warren that wasn’t cool.  He finally agreed Charlie shouldn’t be out and about like that at his age and apologized, of course he did, he’s one class act and a standup guy.  I accepted it.  What was I going to do?  It’s Buffet for crying out loud! 

Anyway, so what the fuck are all these masters of the universe doing heckling me in these crazy times?  Why are they so intrigued with the Q-FI nation and everything it stands for?  What is so pressing that Elon keeps sending fucking rockets to my backyard to pick me up? (which I deny of course and slam a sticky note on the window for him to delete his Twitter account, stop getting high on the company dime and practice a little quiet financial independence.) 

Usually it’s top secret, but I’m going to share it with all of you today.  Because you guys are like me, you actually give a shit.  The mind-blowing stratagem that these overpaid fucks are trying to strangle from my vocal chords is… my opinion.  Yep, it’s that wild.  What they want is my opinion about America.  What the fuck is going on in the good ol’ US of A they’re asking Mr. Q-FI?  Why me?  Because who would know best… just like an average joe looking over the fence and watching the Joneses, they know this blog shits out golden unicorns that can save the world. 

Now, those are some pretty high standards if I don’t mind saying so myself.  But we don’t flinch from the truth here, we slay it like the dragon it is breathing hell-bent fire on us from a long-forgotten realm. 

Plus, most of my readers are pretty good with their coin if you know what I mean, so they’ll have some opinions on what is cracking in the world right now (meaning the pandemic and recession, not the riots – no protests were going on when I wrote this).  Which makes me expect some hot debate and fired up privilege manifestos soon to follow. 

So, without further ado, here’s a couple points to chew on during your midweek lull, and let’s get some chatter going in those comments… because I know many people think the opposite of me throughout the world.  Light it up my friends.  Light it up… 

Unemployment

Am I in favor of unemployment on steroids?  Yes, you fucking bet I am.  Because I directly benefited. 

My wife works in the dental field and back on March 15^th she became officially one of the 40 million joining the ranks of the furloughed and unemployed.  At first I was like fuck, only $450 measly CA dollars a week even if we can actually get the claim through (I didn’t even realize how shitty CA was with this benefit when MA residents are making $823.  What the fuck CA?  Get your shit together!  Does LA not qualify as a HCOL area anymore?)  And then the Cares Act was passed and a crisp $600 was added to the tally. 

Did that help?  Yes.  Did I think it was a good move?  Yes.  Is helping the less fortunate when a crisis hits the right thing?  Yes. 

But, and this is a remarkably unexpected but, it’s been interesting to observe the aftermath.  Some people I talk to say the stimulus isn’t that much money – $4K a week is chump change to them (not me).  For others, this is literally saving their life.  All depends on your income level and opinion, right? 

So, two weeks ago in mid-May my wife was able to return to work under the new safety protocols.  Great for her and we are fortunate she still has a job.  But here’s the absolute irony of the situation.  Her doctor wants people to go back to work because he got the PPP Loan and needs to use it for payroll, but half his staff is making more money on unemployment, so they don’t want to go back.  This is a very bizarre side-effect from the extra unemployment payments that I don’t think a lot people saw coming.  Now, these employees are furloughed and should go back to work and be thankful they still have a job.  But it goes to show you, that once you start doling out free payments, people tend to forget what’s fair and want the better deal for themselves. 

Just human nature?  Maybe?  Maybe not? 

Anyway, I found these situations fascinating to watch as they played out.  Plus, will it be extended?  What do you think? 

Stimulus Checks

Ah… the stimulus. 

If you qualified for the stimulus checks, that’s pretty cool.  Because I didn’t.  And am I bitter, I actually am a little.  And a lot of people will say, hey Q-FI, your income is fine, you don’t need that, and you are right.  You are 100% correct.  I am being petty, selfish and entitled. 

But I have be honest.  When everyone around me is talking about these stimulus checks and the credit for kids, you feel left out.  And then you start thinking about all the taxes you paid on that income and you get pretty sad real quick… hahaha.  And of course, there’s nothing really to feel sorry about.  This is no woe is me tale, it’s just that sometimes I wish I were a better human.  I like getting presents too from Uncle Sam and when I hear the words “tax free” my mouth begins to salivate. 

So sure, it’s a simple program, and they rolled it out the best way they saw fit.  I get it.  Although a high tax return in 2019 isn’t going to help you too much if you lost your job in 2020.  But that would require using logic, right? 

Which brings me to my next sensitive topic… 

Paying High Taxes 

Let’s finish hot and heavy here, with the holy grail of all financial debates – who should be paying the most taxes.  Holy fucking shit!  I said it, so be careful, look over your shoulder, because there will be a mob forming behind you regardless of what your stance is on this subject.  Either way, less or more, you are a dead man walking my friend. 

If you complain that people who make more money, should keep on paying higher taxes, I can probably guarantee one thing, you’ve probably never paid high taxes before… hahahaha. 

And I know, this is a very touchy subject for people.  But for me it’s not.  It’s simple. 

I don’t like paying taxes.  Period. 

I understand the need, I understand the philosophy and I understand the way our country works.  This is how it is going to be. 

But, hear me out.  At first, you’ll probably say Q-FI, what a selfish prick you are!  You are a high earner!  And my response is, yes, NOW I am.  But for my first 10 years of my career I only made a median US salary while living in a HCOL area.  So, I see both sides of the equation.  For the majority of my career, I was a low earner, and I decided to make the jump, put in the work and get a master’s degree to earn my big payoff.  I saved while others spent.  I invested and took risks while others blew their income.  I did night school and worked while other people took out excessive loans.  I’ve toiled hard for what I have, so yes, it pains me to see huge chunks vanish like smoke into the pockets of politicians that are clueless.  

So, since I can speak to both sides of the debate, I’m here to offer my opinion.  In retrospect, it’s a lot harder for me paying high taxes than living off my median salary was.  Hahahaha.  Maybe you’ve been in my same situation and feel the opposite?  But until you’ve done it, you don’t know what it’s like.  You haven’t felt the true pain yet! 

Alright, this has been a long and winding post today, so if you’ve made it to the end, congratulations!  You’re a trooper. 

But when the world leaders are breathing down your throat, expecting nothing but the cold hard truth, you gotta produce for your country and let them know where you stand.  Haha.  Hopefully a little bit of this fun and satire brought a smile to your face today. 

Stay safe and may the stimulus forever be in your favor. 

-Q-FI 

— 

P.S.  So let’s get after it.  Have you been affected by unemployment, the stimulus or high taxes?  What are your thoughts on each?  Should everything be extended?  If so, then until when?