Let’s Talk About Race

Let’s talk about race… 

It feels weird to type that.  It probably shouldn’t.  But it does. 

Because I never had any intention of writing a post like this.  I understand that race is probably one of the most delicate subjects and emotionally charged topics you can talk about right now.  I get it.  But the more things have escalated here in Los Angeles, the more I’ve had time to reflect and soak in the shifting world around me.  And really, that’s all this blog is, just a stretch of my reflections strung together by invisible bits of technology that scurry about inside my computer like bees on honey. 

If you read my blog, you know it’s not a political forum, though I do have opinions and those obviously bleed through in my thoughts and feelings – so in reality, implicitly you can’t help but sense the residue of my perception.  That probably makes me a hypocrite, but I realize this to an extent and am fine with it.  How the fuck can you write anything and not have an opinion?  To breathe and be alive is to interpret the world around you and make judgements. 

It’s a fact. 

So, if you tend to share some of my same viewpoints then you probably read my blog, but if you hate my shit and think I’m an idiot, then obviously you don’t.  Regardless, the past two weeks have been pretty wild.  When you already have a shelter in place mandate from the pandemic, and then LA is put in full lock-down mode from the looting so you can’t even walk down your street at night, that gets your attention pretty fucking quick. 

As a result, the more heated the protests have become, the more deeply I’ve begun to reflect.  And the more I think about it, I’ve finally decided that the current unrest surrounding me like the very air I breathe – it touches everything – warrants a post. 

Now if you haven’t read my blog before, I am a white, middle-class, privileged, male.  So, what can I really say on race?  And my answer to that is probably not that much, however, what I can share are my experiences, the only things that I can authentically communicate and have found to be true with my own eyes, ears and personal feelings. 

I grew up in Los Angeles.  All I’ve ever known is an ethnically mixed culture.  In my current neighborhood, I’m probably actually a minority.  I like diversity.  It’s what I am used to.  It’s what I am comfortable with.  And being used to this ethnically diverse environment, it becomes easy for me to forget that the majority of the United States isn’t like this.  When it comes down to it, LA really is nothing more than a bubble and the old saying of la la land, couldn’t prove to be more true. 

I’ll give you an example. 

Last year I took a vacation with my wife to Priest Lake, Idaho.  This is a small lake nestled in the northern tip of Idaho only an hour or so from the Canadian border.  We flew into Spokane, Washington and then made the 2-hour drive to our destination. 

It only took a few hours in this new isolated location, before I felt a palpable unease inside of me.  And the more I thought about it, it wasn’t long before I realized what it was.  I was surrounded by only white people and it didn’t feel right.  It made me uncomfortable to not have any diversity around me.  And it felt even more bizarre to admit it, because it sounds like from everything I hear, I should have felt the opposite.  But I didn’t.  And here I was surrounded by my own race, yet I couldn’t have felt more out of place. 

Is this the same thing that other people feel when they come to a diverse city like LA?  I hope not.  But if it is so easy for me to feel out of place in Idaho, then unfortunately it probably is.  We are creatures dependent on the sociological rules we have learned from our environment. 

There’s some kind of subconscious awareness that takes place when you are the only ethnicity within a room. 

Let’s be clear, I have never been discriminated against because of my race.  I have no clue what that entails or feels like.  But I have on numerous occasions been the only white guy in a room or at a party.  And what I’ll say to this is, no I have never felt uncomfortable or unwelcome, but when this happens, you do become aware of it on some subconscious level.  It’s almost as if there is this brief moment when you glance around the room and realize, yes, I’m the only one that looks like me here.  And I’m not saying this is negative, I’m just pointing out that I think there is something subconscious that happens to make people either more aware or comfortable, when they are surrounded by others that resemble them. 

Maybe I’m totally wrong here, but I’m curious if this is some trait of human nature or even a learned sociological behavior. 

Reevaluating the meaning of the non-racist. 

I don’t want to write too much on this, because I’ll be honest, I still don’t fully understand everything that is being included or excluded with this term while it is being dissected in the forum of public opinion – and if you know me I don’t listen to the news every day and don’t pay attention to social media often.  So it’s safe to say, do not take my interpretation as relevant or even up to date.  But that being said, I believe from what I’m hearing, I would be classified as a non-racist, which in of itself, doesn’t cut it anymore. 

As I’ve mentioned above, I need diversity in my life to feel comfortable.  However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t come into contact with many people who still think in a very closed-minded and racist mindset, unfortunately and embarrassingly, I even have extended family that still shape their worldviews on unfair stereotypes.  When I hear things that I don’t agree with I speak up.  But at other times, when I feel my words would have little or no effect, I can be more passive. 

Is this okay, of course not.  But does it happen, yes.  I do not have a perfect record for trying to right every wrong that I have encountered in my presence.  Something that these recent protests have reminded me that I can improve upon. 

Now, would I correct a stranger if I was out in public?  If it was blatant, probably.  But if it was something mumbled under their breath, I have to admit I probably wouldn’t.  I’d just go on my way thinking it wouldn’t be worth the effort to confront someone stuck in their ways.  And that’s embarrassing to admit but I think this is where the nonracist, falls into the passive trap. 

Because, what I’ve come to understand, is that even I have become desensitized to a degree – and that’s scary to admit living in a diverse city such as LA. 

I also think I’m seeing some of the same similarities that happened right after the #metoo movement came into full swing.  You have a lot of people that are hesitant and uncertain how to act in a rapidly changing world.  Sure, it’s easy to say act normal and with kindness, but it takes time to digest what is happening around you and I think the normal reaction is caution. 

So, let’s get to the meat of this article and really what’s on everyone’s minds: what does it take for real change to eventually occur? 

The ultimate defining answer will be just like anything else: TIME. 

What everything always comes down to in life, is what we do with our time.  We all share the same constraint, we only have so many hours in our day to devote to what we feel is the most valuable consumption of our energy and focus.  We all want a better world.  There is no doubt in my mind about that.  But how we allocate our time will determine what causes we actually have a chance at affecting.  Whether that be race, poverty, the environment, etc., etc., there is no shortage of injustices to help with or noble causes to pursue. 

However, as with everything in this world, the choice will be up to you. 

And the time devoted, will make the difference. 

-Q-FI 

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P.S.  What is the most valuable change for you that you would like to see in this world?  Or, how have the recent protests affected you?