Since most posts on this blog have to do with personal finance, I’ll tie it in real quick in a few sentences and then get to the meat of the message…
You want a suggestion on how to cut your costs right away? Then stop drinking alcohol for a month and see what happens. You might be surprised at the improvement to your bottom line.
Hahaha… simple. Eloquent. And to the point.
And I’m not against drinking. I want to be clear. This is NOT an anti-alcohol post.
It’s an inclusion post.
And although this might sound contradictory, I’m actually all for drinking. In fact, I love alcohol. I just can’t drink it anymore. It worked with a slew of other substances for me for a long time, until it didn’t.
So why write this post? Because I know you’re curious and there are a couple myths out there that I want to crack open. But more importantly, it needs to be said. So without further ado, this is how you respect my sobriety…
I get this question a lot: Is it okay if we drink alcohol around you?
So I think it’s time to set the record straight: How do you treat someone who is sober? What should you do?
The answer will blow your mind: nothing.
Let this sink in for a moment.
Yes, it is that simple.
Don’t do anything you wouldn’t normally do. Don’t tiptoe around me like we’re all standing on ice about to break or stereotype me as some alcoholic leper you can’t touch. Treat me like a normal person. There is nothing more frustrating to me than the stereotype that because I’m an addict/alcoholic then you can’t drink in my presence.
So what do you think, is it okay if you drink alcohol around me?
Of course you fucking can, or I wouldn’t be there.
It’s my job to not put myself in situations that I am uncomfortable with. And if I find myself in one, it is solely my responsibility to remove myself from the situation gracefully. Done well, you wouldn’t have a clue that anything was wrong in the least bit.
Because my addiction is mine. Let me repeat that, it’s MINE. Not yours.
This might sound harsh, but I can’t say it any other way. Addiction isn’t pretty. It’s deadly, venomous and kills. You can’t fuck around with it and worry about other people’s feelings.
Should you assume that you know what a sober person would want to do?
Let’s address myth number two: If someone doesn’t drink then we won’t include them in drinking activities. They won’t want to go to a bar, so we won’t even ask.
Right?
Wrong.
The only thing that that ticks me off more than being asked if someone can drink around me, is being excluded from events and parties because people assume, I wouldn’t want to go because I don’t drink alcohol.
News flash. I do drink. There are these things called fluids that I have to imbibe to survive. Not being able to consume mind-altering substances does not change this process. You can be in a bar and not drink alcohol. The miracle does occur, and quite frequently I might add.
So why would someone who doesn’t drink alcohol want to be in a bar? That doesn’t make any sense, does it?
When you break it down, it actually makes a ton of sense: I’m there because of you.
What else happens at a bar besides drinking? Fun, laughter, comradery, friendship, bonding. That’s why I don’t want to be left out, because I like these things too. I’m human. I crave them. When you assume that I wouldn’t want to be around alcohol, you are alienating me from my relationships.
And don’t beat yourself up if you do this, because everyone does do it. It is the normal thing to do. I did it as well when I used to drink. If someone didn’t drink alcohol, then why would I include them to go wine tasting or hang out at a brewery? I’d just be wasting their time, right?
Wrong again.
And then I found myself on the other side of the equation and learned how flawed my thinking had been.
If you are unsure what to do, err on the side of inclusion, or just ask discreetly? I can talk about the elephant in the room, because I know you’re curious and have questions.
There are a lot of stigmas and false stereotypes attached to addiction. It’s not a fun road to walk because people already have their preconceived notions of who and what you are. All I ask is you keep an open mind and try to learn and we’ll both be better off for it.
In summary, where people go, is where I want to be. If that happens to be the bar, no problemo. Pour me another club soda with lime.
Let’s hang out. Let’s have fun together.
And bottoms up, because I can probably drink more than you can…
-Q-FI
P.S. Everyone’s recovery is different, nothing is black and white. I’m very comfortable in discussing my past, others may not be. Unfortunately, you just have to feel the situation out for yourself. But if you’re reading this, then I know you are smart… capable… and able to read between the lines. So use good judgment. *wink*
…and I always throw this out there with any addiction post. If you feel alone or are struggling. Reach out to me or someone else. It’s never too late to start again.
Leave a Reply