Are you a doer?
I used to be. Today, not so much anymore.
I mean, I still do a lot of things. But my focus now is on what I can avoid rather than what I need to accomplish.
Do less, and just be…
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The other day one of my best friends from college came and stayed with us.
She’s 8-months pregnant and wanted to see our new house, but our schedules hadn’t been lining up, so she and her husband came up for a single weeknight from San Diego.
She’s a doer.
And even at 8-months pregnant she hasn’t slowed down.
The first thing out of her mouth was what’s the plan? Are we doing a walk or hike tonight? What’s for dinner? Breakfast the next morning?
The cascade of questions, each syllable a single drop of water, drenched me from her verbal downpour as if I were sitting underneath a waterfall. Every new quick-fire inquiry forming a treacherous rapid that would have to be negotiated delicately.
She wanted to plan, do things. While all I wanted was to sit down in our backyard, enjoy the pleasant evening’s summer breeze and revel in their great company.
Talk. Catch up. Keep things simple and the rest would evolve with time as the evening naturally progressed.
Luxuriate.
However, with the COVID bubble, I tend to forget how insulated I have become from other doers in my personal life. I had restricted this type of person only to my professional endeavors recently, which had resulted in me enjoying a relatively kick back existence in my free time and leisure (besides buying the house).
It has been truly nice.
But with my friend’s visit, it reminded me how so many of us tend to live our hectic lives – wearing “the busy” like a badge of honor. And in watching my friend struggle without having all these plans finalized and set in motion, it crystallized what different people we had become.
And taking a step back, being able to observe as if from a detached third person perspective, so much of her doing looked like hiding. Almost an insecurity manifesting itself from the need to self-validate daily achievements… rich and boastful experiences. If she wasn’t doing all these things, updating Instagram with routine theatrics and envious picture-perfect landscapes, then what would her life really be?
Could she slow down? Could she sit alone with herself and find contentment?
Would there ever be peace?
And I wasn’t judging her per say, but more evaluating my own past through the lenses of her actions, because I understood her situation. I used to be the same.
I’ll give you a specific example.
When my future wife and I took our first 10-day vacation together way back in 2007 to Kauai, I had an itinerary planned that would make a drill sergeant drool. She had been multiple times before, but I hadn’t. And we were going to see it all baby. All that lil’ island of paradise had to offer in a week and half span.
I had a million things planned each day – two hours at this beach, two hours at another, lunch here, then snorkeling there, kayaking, helicopter tour, catamaran, etc. It was nuts. Thinking about how much I had packed in that tiny timeframe makes my head spin.
It was one of those we’d need a vacation from the vacation.
Wild.
But that’s who I was back then. I was a doer. I was an optimizer. I needed to prove my time wasn’t a waste.
However, things have changed.
My time flows now rather than being directed. The old me would have strangled all the minutes in a day with the noose of schedule like a hangman grinning at the gallows.
I was the god of my days. It was up to me to dictate.
And back then, I distinctly remember how I always needed to be doing things to justify what an amazing life I was living.
But how much this was for me, rather than external validation, is much trickier to understand. The older I get, the more years I have lived and the broader my experiences and self-reflections have become, the less I can lie to myself.
The benefit of living through some traumatic events and partaking in demanding therapy, is that much of the bullshit is stripped away. I know when I have drifted from authenticity and am living an illusion.
I know when I am hiding from myself.
Because a good lie is always better than a bad truth, right?
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When I look back and see the path of my life stretched out like a trail of switchbacks zigzagging up the crooked crags of my existence, I can’t help but feel that a lot of my doing was a form of hiding. Hiding in always being busy. Avoiding the real questions in life by doing what was expected instead of what my soul whispered in the stretch of my toes and curl of my fingers.
I just think people have it all wrong. So, so wrong.
And not wrong in the sense that they should be doing something else, because we each should be living our lives how we see fit. But wrong in the sense of ignorance. They think they are free while they still value time by doing. They still value time by external monetary value.
If you have achieved FI and left the game, then why do you still play by the same rules? Or have you really even left at all?
It’s as if people have lived their lives so long for the external, they can no longer grasp what it means to live by the internal.
And it’s childish of me to judge. It’s incorrect for me to impose my feeble view on others. But this is how I see the world…
How many times have you heard this statement in either a FIRE blog, FI podcast or lifestyle design book?
“I’m never going to retire. I could never sit on a beach all day sipping Pina Coladas. I’d go nuts and be bored out of my mind. No, I have to be doing something.”
The words are normally uttered with a glib FI hubris. It’s that wink-wink understanding of you and I are better than all the rest – glasses clinking in a secret backroom toast, elbows rubbing with the glee of hidden smiles veiled under masks of privilege.
Only we get it. We’re FIRE bros. We’ll be doing real work while pulling one over the “man.” Accomplishing things we love and achieving our dreams.
Sounds nice doesn’t it. Sounds like a fucking dream come true.
Have you nodded your head along in agreement? Yeah, you did, didn’t you? Because this is you. You probably wouldn’t be reading this blog if it weren’t.
But when I hear those words, it makes me shudder. Because all I hear are the words of someone just as lost as they were before. Still hiding. Still a slave to doing and camouflaging their insecurities with the next big win. All that they have changed, is trading one externality for another. They still bow down and worship the alter of achievement.
In my eyes, the real winner is the person who can sit on the beach all day with the Pina Colada in hand and be happy. Be content. Relish in a self-assurance and inner knowing as deep as the Earth itself. Indulge simplicity with a welcoming acknowledgement and refined confidence that understands less can be more. That person has transcended. They’ve achieved the ability to embrace their presence alone with themselves and be at peace. They don’t have to be doing things in order to justify their self-value.
They can simply be.
Now in my eyes, that’s really doing what you want. That’s achieving the end goal and turning financial independence inward.
What’s the point of being FI if you only keep hiding from yourself?
If I can sit on that beach, walk over to a tide pool, and spend hours engrossed in the mysteries of a mini ocean universe, captivated by the life oozing around me that I normally would have missed because I was too busy doing things, and take part in the world as an active participant rather than a distant bystander, then I’ve done my part.
I’ve put FI to worthy use and haven’t wasted this gift.
Because now the ultimate achievement for me, is being able to sit alone with myself at peace. Wrap my mind around the present moment like a giant bear hug.
If my desire is doing, then so be it. But if my pocket-sized achievement is merely basking in the sun with a quiet understanding, embracing the rapture of my thoughts without duality, then even better.
The answer is here. It always has been.
And a shift in consciousness is all it takes.
This might not sound like much to you. But when you can let the world fall away and delight in your own presence as comfortable as a newborn babe cradled in its mother’s arms, you’ve transcended to a realm stitched together by the threads of dreams.
Rocking away in a hammock of tranquility.
Quietly. Blissful. Serene.
And it makes my smile glow just thinking about it.
-Q-FI
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What’s your take FI aficionados? Be the doer, or be the zen badass mother fucker sipping Pina Coladas on the beach soaking up some soulful rays? Haha. Or have you ever hidden in the doing?
This post reminded me so much of myself. I’ve traveled so many places and always had jam packed itineraries, thinking I have such limited time to see all I want to see. I learned that there’s never enough time to see everything, but I’ve always tried prioritizing the most important things. And, yes, I posted them to social media.
Now? I rarely use social media, and my last trip to Florida did not go as planned at all. I walked 8-12 miles per day, mostly because I find that relaxing, especially when walking along the beach. I can walk forever along the water. I can also sit and watch the waves endlessly. There were times I had planned to do things, like trying a recommended restaurant, but it would’ve meant getting off the beach. So I skipped it and couldn’t have cared less.
I did so little of what I had planned for my trip to Florida, but the truth was I went because I wanted to get outside to enjoy the sun and warm weather. Mission accomplished! I was thrilled! I felt refreshed during the trip and after. And I didn’t feel the least bit guilty for having done so little!
I love catching up over hikes and walking, so I’m with your friend on that one, but I also love sitting and chatting. For me, a mix is ideal. Hope you had a great visit!
How dare you post them to social media! Hahaha. That’s what social media is for. To post cool shit. Nothing wrong with it at all. But if that ever becomes the cause rather than the effect, might be time to do a little self reflection.
Since our time is scarce, I think we all can relate to trying to pack in a ton of sight seeing on a trip. It’s natural. In my mind, it’s a learned skill that’s developed with time that can allow one to be comfortable with less. When we’re younger and have a limitless amount of energy, can bounce back from hangovers without even blinking, we can fit more in a day. It’s like you said, “I learned that there’s never enough time to see everything, but I’ve always tried prioritizing the most important things.”
Sounds like your trip to Florida evolved into exactly what you needed. Those can be some of the funnest trips, when we allow the flexibility for the trip to in essence plan itself.
“I can also sit and watch the waves endlessly.” I think this reveals how far you have come in life Katie. Many people can talk about it, but rarely can they live it and be content. Good for you. It’s amazing what we can see once we stop looking.
And the visit with my friend was great. I also enjoy walks/hikes. I was more trying to point out how much she needed to have set plans rather than what they actually were. It’s always refreshing spending quality time with people you respect and enjoy. Even if they are doers! Ha.
As always, love your writing Q-FI. New posts are a little gift each time, thanks for making them.
I really like the core point you’re making here, or at least, what I interpret it to be. The idea that a lot of us hide in busyness so that we might not have to think beyond it. If we’ve got a long list of tasks and we’re knocking them out one by one, it’s easy to see achievements coming and know time is filled with such successes.
But…what’s the point? Is the point the doing?
I think that the answer to that might be quite different to each of us. Like you, I’ve changed a lot over the years. Similarly, I remember my first big rail trip to Europe and packing it in with constant newness and geographical awe. Every day was filled from morning to late night.
And it was awesome.
But today, that would be too much for me. I’d want to do a lot more of my equivalent to your sitting by the ocean and taking in the awe of the mini-ecosystem within a single arm’s paddle.
However, I’m not sure if that means one is better or worse than the other. They’re different. I love that I can find peace sitting out front a little motel in Flagstaff with the sun just over the mountainous horizon in front of me, teasing me to come adventure and the breeze whipping the little shrubbery around me. All the while, reading a great post from a remote friend, thinking about the experience they internalized and shared in a way that might touch me too. It’s beautiful.
But striking out and summiting that mountain, breathing in the adventure that would be, is it’s own fulfillment. Different, but beautiful all the same.
Thanks for the compliment Chris. If anyone gets even an inkling of entertainment out of my rambling, it’s all worth while. Much appreciated.
Yep, you summed it up, there’s no greater distraction than keeping busy. And it’s so automatic, that very few of us grasp the self-awareness to even realize it is happening.
You are correct that the answer should be different for each of us, and no path is either right or wrong, simply different. However, I think some people are so obsessed with what they’re doing, they never even reach the point to stop and question their purpose. Hence, kind of doing by ignorance. Sticking within the normal confines and reinforced externalities of what a successful life is supposed to be rather than listening to their own quiet inner voice.
At the core of it, we’re each trying to be something. Each of us gets to define what that is in the limited space between the breaths we breathe. Yet, many people fail to even get to the questioning portion of it.
“But striking out and summiting that mountain, breathing in the adventure that would be, is it’s own fulfillment. Different, but beautiful all the same.” Now there’s some writing chops! Hahaha. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
Thanks for the thoughtful and engaging comment bud.
You had me nodding along with this one Q-FI. It reminds me of the parable of the Mexican Fisherman.
A friend of mine from high school dropped out of school, figured out how to get housing assistance and the dole, then eventually moved to a small coastal town because the lifestyle was better and his benefits money could stretch further. He’s lived a simple happy existence for decades.
As a young man I thought my friend was a wastrel. Squandering his potential and sponging off society. One of life’s takers. Meanwhile I set out to make a small fortune and conquer the world. Busyness, status projection, and validating external expectations driving me ever onwards in pursuit of more.
Decades later life had happened. My priorities changed. My perceptions evolved.
To me, and I suspect many people my age, the simple life my former high school friend leads now sounds idyllic. Something to aspire to, though perhaps not fund via a tenuous Benefits-FI existence.
Now I can’t help wondering whether my friend was actually smarter than all the rest of us? Simply piercing the illusion and deciphering all the bullshit at a far younger age.
There is a lot to be said for having low expectations and finding contentment in what we already have. Sounds like you’ve reached a similar conclusion.
It’s kind of like the old saying – when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
You and I were pretty identical, hence why I’ve always related to so much of your writing. Lofty visions of conquering the world in our youth and looking upon underachievers with distaste, and then the older we get, flipping the script entirely.
Learning. Growing. Maturing. Evolving.
It’s an interesting question to ponder whether your friend was smarter than the rest of us from the start, or maybe just got lucky? It can probably go either way.
However, for you and I, our journeys were necessary to arrive at this point. A younger version of myself would always have rejected a simple lifestyle, I’m almost certain of that. And I’d assume it probably would have been the same for you. I had to live it first in order to understand and comprehend that all the sparkly objects and corporate achievements don’t make your life any better nor more fulfilling.
It just leads to accumulating more things. Stuck in a game we’ve lost the will to play.
Life’s all about time now. Becoming time rich again and enjoying it how we choose.
Hopefully sooner than later we can each achieve what the new dream has become.
Great post in so many ways. The overall theme is fantastic and I can really see it through an eastern philosophy lens. The concept of just being, emptiness, enlightenment, whatever we label it, is incredibly enticing. To me, as a restless person, I would agree with you that doing less is more. And it’s a goal to get there one day.
I’m also slowing down a bit as time gently wears and blunts my type A+ personality into a type A- personality. Though I’m constantly busy with kids and work, I make it a point to not plan things out more than is necessary, or else I just create pointless stress/suffering for myself. I tend to feel guilty just sitting around doing nothing on days off, because I have a long list of home projects that I hate having half-finished. Though I have been thinking of my projects and chores, the act, in a mindful way that has made me feel less busy and stressed about what’s next. Thich Nhat Hanh has a saying– I’ll paraphrase, “We don’t wash the dishes to have clean dishes, or cook food so we can eat. We wash the dishes to wash the dishes. We cook to cook and eat to eat.”
When I imagine my early retirement, I do think I will be one of those people doing things, not working for money, but hopefully busy traveling and learning as much as I can about the world while I’m still breathing and physically able. This post asks some solid questions about the concept of retirement. If there’s one thing I might disagree on, it’d be labeling one way of retirement as winning. I think crossing that retirement line is winning, but then, what is the line? I agree with your sentiment that some people might fabricate their own FI finish line in order to say they’re retired early, but have really only changed careers, so being idle would, in turn, be a financial catastrophe…an impossible feat for the FIRE imposter.
Anyway, great post dude, and brilliant prose.
That’s a good line, going from an “A+ personality into a type A- personality.” I’m working on doing the same.
I can relate to the house projects. Seems to be my entire weekends, but slowly progress is being made… haha. Although, I’m also gradually coming to realize there will always be something to fix or tinker with.
Hey – love disagreement here, although I think we actually agree because I wasn’t as clear as I wanted to be in the post. From what I’ve inferred from other comments, this post comes off more as anti-doing (which I did not intend) instead of being pro-multi choices (which I hoped it would be).
It was my intention that this line would explain that: “If my desire is doing, then so be it. But if my pocket-sized achievement is merely basking in the sun with a quiet understanding, embracing the rapture of my thoughts without duality, then even better.”
What I meant by winning wasn’t choosing a right or wrong way, but simply acknowledging there is a choice to be made. For example, a lot of people affiliate being busy with accomplishing things or being happy, without ever questioning that assumption – does being busy really make them happy? And they are so entrenched in this line of thinking that they can’t see there are other options. Take the beach example, a lot of people say hey I can never sit on a beach and be happy, I have to be doing something. Yet they can’t comprehend, that sitting on a beach being happy is doing something. It’s just doing something different than they are used to. So winning to me isn’t about not doing anything, it’s being able to question and understand that doing tons of things is great (I’ll be doing plenty of things in FI too), but it’s also okay to allow oneself to sit on a beach all day and be content. The two ways of life aren’t mutually exclusive. It’s that unfortunately, most people are too busy to even question that there might be alternative routes to happiness. Simple things can still count as doing something and achieving contentment. There are many different ways to live a life.
Great comment man, always love hearing your Nor Cal take on things… haha.
i’m with you on all those astute observations, q. for one, i’ve been in a situation like the one with your visiting friend, except i was the guest. we were staying at a relative’s beach place about 10 years ago and mrs. beach house had a string of activities including what she considered mandatory sunset watching each of our three night stay. i told her i was staying behind on the second one to just chill on the deck and drink some wine after the beach. then she proceeded to offer up some menial tasks for me while everyone watched the sunset. it’s not that i’m opposed to chipping in. hell, i’ll have the whole meal ready by the time you get back if you let me do that! anyhow, that kind of stuff just drives me nuts and we have not been back. gotta remember this is my paid time off and i choose to spend it relaxing.
i feel fortunate not to have been bitten by the overachiever “doer” thing. you can probably imagine that. it’s also why i don’t mind continuing to work right now. if people don’t understand that’s ok. i’ll be over here taking ‘er easy.
That’s hilarious. You tell her you’re going to chill and drink some wine and then she gives you a list of tasks. Classic. That would have really irritated me.
I tend to forget that the norm isn’t for people to have great self-awareness of themselves or others. So when someone starts telling me all the things I should be doing, it’s always a wake up call, that yeah, a lot of people are like that still. Plus, when you cut a lot of that shit out of your life, like we’ve both done, it always pisses us off when we confront it out of the blue. Good story.
Life can be a pretty simple formula. Do what you want, and makes you happy, while not ruining someone else’s day. Haha.
I was bitten by the overachiever bug pretty bad when I was younger, but luckily I’ve mellowed out and learned to re-prioritize. I’ve usually found the more I can simplify my life, the happier I have become. Of course there’s still many things I want to do and accomplish, but I’m much more patient and realistic about cranking things out now.
oh, and i wanted to add this one. we go to new orleans fairly often. we can afford a hotel but often choose to stay a couple of nights at a friend’s house. sometimes his kids are around and sometimes not, but we never feel especially compelled to go to this place or that even though it’s walkable to the french quarter. we really are mostly content to hang around on the picnic table and chat, have some drinks and play with the dogs.
Yeah, I agree. You surround yourself with good people, and the location really doesn’t matter. Sure, we’d all rather be staring at some ocean view off a balcony, but herd the right personalities together and hanging around a card table in some back alley will do just fine.
Nice one and as a “FI Doer,” it totally resonates. I’m always doing something and it’s taken me 3 years of not working to slow down a bit. It’s been a good deal of practice to learn how to luxuriate! While I always have a list of things to get done, I manage it on a weekly, rather than daily basis. I also include relaxing items like kayaking, fishing and walking as well. Scheduled luxuriating? Hahaha.
Oddly, even when working, vacations were one thing I left very unstructured and unscheduled. To be fair, I was constantly on the go, but more just letting the day take me where it may.
Hahahaha – “scheduled luxuriating!” I love that. Now that would be a good domain name.
Yeah, it’s kind of how now I try to schedule catch-up blocks of time in my schedule to simply be able to avoid meetings and try to get shit done. Same thing can go with down time. If we don’t consciously make the effort, it might slip right by us.
I think my transition will probably be similar to yours. My mind is ready, but there’s really no off button for my body. It will definitely take some time to adjust once I’ve been able to shed the corporate go-go-go mantra.
I’m actually getting up to your neck of the woods next week. Got my first full week vacation planned at Priest Lake. Hoping the fires die down a little and we get some good weather (although it looks like it might be a little chilly). If I had more time and it were different circumstances w/ COVID I’d try to schedule a meet up day. Maybe next year we’ll be able to cross paths at some point.
Thanks for the comment Mr. Fate!
Less is more in many cases.
True dat.
This really resonated. We took a sabbatical a couple of years ago and in the early weeks, I felt I’d wasted the day if I hadn’t ticked enough things off of my to do list. Despite one of the key objectives of the sabbatical being to decompress and recharge batteries.
I still have a to do list, but hold it much more lightly these days. And try to recognize the value in activities like reading, going for a walk, or playing a board game with our kids. Even though these arent on my to do list.
Sabbaticals are great ideas and awesome you took one!
Decompressing, slowing down, disconnecting, adapting, call it whatever you want. It is frigging hard to do and I totally get it.
I was just off the grid for this past week on vacation and the first two days I’m checking my phone every 30 minutes even though I didn’t have any reception. It’s so hard to change these automatic habits, especially in a world that promotes constant engagement and progress.
Glad the post resonated with you Mr. C and here’s hoping you find that perfect balance between doing and relaxing! Although always easier said than done… haha.
Great post, it resonate with my experiences on so many levels – I feel lucky I was able to kill my world-conquering self at a relatively young age. I managed to get a huge burden off my shoulders, in particulars in terms of (my own) expectations about having the perfect career, the perfect partner, friends, hobbies and so on. The hardest part now is explaining this lack of greatest ambitions to the people around me – they all expect me to keep up with their ambitions now!
Milan Kundera got it right when he wrote: “Living, there is no happiness in that. Living: carrying one’s painful self through the world. But being, being is happiness. Being: becoming a fountain, a fountain on which the universe falls like warm rain.”
Oh yeah, those “world conquering selves” take on a life of their own. Ha!
Good for you on coming to a self-realization and living life on your terms. It’s a hard thing to do and comes to everyone at different points in their lives. Earlier usually the better, yet never too late.
Yeah, the comparison side of others is an interesting topic. I’m still in my career, less conquering and more planning the future exit, but when I have conversations about my future, I’m usually pretty vague – meaning not getting into details about leaving the corporate world early. I’ve found any explanation, usually leads to people thinking that by retiring early and living an unconventional life this is an attack on their own life decisions. Which we all know it is not, but it’s hard for people not to take it that way when our goal is to live a life opposite of theirs in a sense. No easy way to deal with people, other than discuss with those who can handle it and use the good ol’ sabbatical excuse with others. Hahaha.
Good luck in your journey Luke and thanks for the great Milan Kundera quote. It kind of reminds me of this Joseph Campbell quote: “Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it. The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be. Being alive is the meaning.”
Very insightful, thought-provoking post. Thank you Q-FI. I’ve found it hard to shed the ‘gotta be productive’ mindset since going FIRE six months ago. What’s worked for me is changing my definition of being productive. If I can strike just a couple of things off the to-do list then I can relax and go with the flow the rest of the day.
Hey Accumulator and thanks for the compliment. High praise coming from you! I’m a big fan of the blog and love the witty humor you guys bring to it. Always has me cracking up.
First off, congrats on hitting that FIRE milestone six months ago. Of course, life doesn’t get any easier, but hopefully your options have expanded and you’re beginning to adapt. I’ve often heard it can take up to even 1-2 years before we fully acclimate to a new, less chaotic lifestyle.
I think we’ll all to some point, always struggle with the ‘gotta be productive’ mindset. In a world obsessed with technology and phones that are designed to be addictive, finding that right balance will be an incessant work in progress.
And I think you’re tackling it correctly. “Productivity” is in the eyes of the beholder, right? Haha.
Best of luck in your new adventures and with blog Accumulator!
Hey Q-FI. Well, you can probably guess what kind of irritatingly content FIRE’r I am eh.
The key point you made in here for me isn’t whether you are doing or not – it’s why you are. There’s good reasons for doing – and then there’s the unhelpful ones. As ever, the trick is to get good at knowing which one is in the driving seat!
I’m lucky in likewise being able to hear that authentic voice inside and am comfortable giving it the time and space to speak up – and listen. Even when I don’t want to….! If things start to not to feel ‘right it usually means I need some time out to think through what I’m trying to tell myself. Can sound a bit mad to those who don’t get this I know.
It does seem that so many people use busyness as a way of hiding from uncomfortable truths they’d rather not have to deal with. Keeping moving, doing. Insecurities at not being good enough. Needing a defensive shield to prove their worth.
Being content in your own skin is pretty fundamental and it’s one of those classic conundrums in that the more you do it, the easier it is – but it’s hardest when you need it the most!
I think you’re going to do just fine if/when you eventually FIRE 🙂
Good to hear from you Michelle and I hope you’ve been having some fun travels this summer!
Hahahaha… “Can sound a bit mad to those who don’t get this I know.” No madness there, sounds entirely logical to me. You always have a way of cracking me up.
Your interpretation is correct. The post has nothing to do with the doing part (although not sure I was too clear on that – oh well), but understanding the why, or not even understanding it, but simply asking do you have the capacity or self-awareness to even begin to question it. I was a little sarcastic on the doers there, but trying to make the point in the end, nothing right or wrong either way, but if you’re always busy, might be beneficial here and there to slow down and make sure your values are aligned with that busyness.
The one thing I try to be consistent on is I like to ask questions a lot, but try to stress I never have the answers. It’s always up to the individual to decide on their own personal situation.
Like you, I’ll be doing a ton now and in FI, but trying to keep it balanced with what feels right, or leads to contentment/happiness at that point in my life. If something feels wrong, might be time to slow down and re-evaluate.
Thanks for chiming in Michelle!
This debate between an active vs contemplative life is sometimes summarised as the ‘the way of Martha or the way of Mary’ referring to the below from the Bible (not to be read too literally in a religious context). We’ve been grappling with it for a long time…
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus_at_the_home_of_Martha_and_Mary
Interesting take Platformer and a good parable. Whether it’s religion, or whatever equanimity or spirituality drives you, being contemplative about it hopefully gives people some happiness or insight into how they want to live their lives. Although for me personally, an active and contemplative life can be lived in combination rather than being mutually exclusive. Or a shift in perception – maybe for some people an active lifestyle is sitting on a beach and enjoying the breeze. We each get to make our own rules in how we live life. However, I tend to find most people get the active part down but haven’t vetted the contemplative side at all. Which is fine, but I think it can potentially lead to maybe disappointment or unhappiness further down the road if their actions aren’t aligning with their values or purpose. Or if they haven’t even asked themselves those questions in the first place.
Kind of reminds me of people who want to hit FI but have no idea what they want to do when they get there. Might be better to be asking those questions earlier rather than later. Not a problem in itself, but might reduce a little angst and disappoint in the future if contemplated beforehand.
Thanks for sharing and the comment.
This might be one of the best posts I’ve seen all year. You are 100% right if you have reached FI, but can’t be content, then you are doing something wrong. I know that I am guilty of that as well. I suppose it is because I feel insecure about my FI in the first place. I know that there are real sequence of return risks to my FIRE, and because of that I am still playing the game.
But I also have started to figure out that I don’t need things or even money to be happy, to be satisfied. I only need to be present and not worrying about the doing of one thing or the other.
So while I still get wrapped up in it at times, I am starting to see the light, as you have.
Hey AR and thanks for the compliment. Glad it resonated with you.
Sounds like you are well along your way to questioning or addressing what works and might not work in your life. It’s a personal reflection and usually the asking is only the beginning.
I think you’ll do just fine as well. The answers may never come, but if you’re enjoying the ride who really cares anyway. Ha! It’s always hard to see the light without the darkness. =)
Thanks for the comment and dropping me a line. Much appreciated.
To me, it is all about being lost in the journey that we call life, whether that is taking moments of solitude or being lost in an activity.
Learning to be content with myself and not doing took me time, but I also find it comes in waves. Sometimes I love retracting and observing life from afar, while other times I love getting lost in the play that is unfolding.
No path is intrinsically better than the other, but seeing both is eye opening.
That sounds like a good take on life Olaf. Why not have the best of both worlds? And a very eloquent comment I might add.
Waves is a good way of describing it. We need different things at different times. I say this a lot on the blog, but the journey boils down to three words for me: negotiating the balance. It’s always in flux. It’s always changing. But sit back, smile, handle what is within reach and it can be one hell of an enjoyable ride.
Thanks for dropping me a line.