We’ve all probably experienced one of those moments in life, so sharp and clairvoyant that it cuts us like a shard of glass. Piercing that comfortable, complacent, skin-shallow story of our lives that we have woven for ourselves, like a pin prick popping a balloon. Leaving us shaken and disturbed, grasping at air to fill an unresolved hole inside our fragile psyches like staunching a bleeding stab wound.
It’s within this space between spaces that the unraveled chords of our existence bump up against the trajectory of something operating in a reality that we had forgotten was even real… or possible for that matter. The warm, soft, fuzzy cocoon that we had been using to insulate ourselves from the outside world, autopiloting absentminded shades of task mastering is torn open with a savage awakening and blistering realization as if the strings of steps from our prior footfalls were merely a sleepwalker’s musings conjured from the whimsical imagination of a circus magician’s illusion.
It’s that abrupt and sobering reminder, like a knife thrust to the gut, that no matter how terrible our lives become, there will always be those who have it worse. And no matter how great we feel our lives are progressing, there will always be those who have more than we can ever dream.
This tilting of our perception, should remind us of our tentative place holder on the scales of balance, reinforcing the perils of shifting the weight ever so slightly in either direction – having too much can prove just as treacherous as having too little.
Yet too often it’s the dark clouds of longing, wanting and desire that blacken the immediate horizon of today. Soaking the present in a cold downpour of negative emotions, too preoccupied with what should have been, could have been, rather than embracing what it means to be alive for another day.
And by pulling the raincoat tighter around our shivering shoulders, cursing the puddles of distraction and torpid currents we must trudge, it’s that age old adage of constant struggle which is proven true – that the moment we begin to consider having more than someone else, we begin to fear we might end up with less than someone else.
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It’s not often that I bump up against generational wealth, but I experienced one of these moments I referenced above in a recent interaction that caused me to pause and think (I know, it’s not as if I don’t do enough of that already).
Why isn’t there more generational wealth in the world?
Where I’m vacationing (pictured above), is a small island in the Northern Idaho Wilderness, secluded and off the beaten path about an hour drive South of the Canadian border.
To put it bluntly, I am off the grid.
Literally.
However, my extended family who owns the property and I’m staying with, have many friends that swing by their isolated island on occasion, and it just so happened that an elder couple who I had met on a previous trip offered us the chance to come see their cabin on the mainland.
Of course, my wife and I obliged, who doesn’t like getting a glimpse behind the curtain of people’s second homes and playing with that vicarious question “what if?” But more selfishly, I was mentally living out a rustic fantasy in my own imagination as if I were surviving in the wilderness like Jack London himself.
Now, I had previously known a little bit about this family. I knew they came from money and had inherited some generational wealth.
How much? I didn’t have a clue.
Plus, we all know how people talk. What is a lot to some, might be a pittance to another.
However, I had still assumed that this trip to the cabin (their original description, not mine) wouldn’t give me an answer either.
Yet once again, I was proven wrong.
On the boat trip over, the couple was telling me about the recent remodel they had accomplished just last year from the original 2005 purchase – doing some updates and expanding the space for a growing number of grandkids.
It was nothing more than small chat. The normal, comfortable banter of feeling-each-other-out you would expect in such a situation.
Cold beers for the guys. A chilled white wine for the ladies.
Smiles. Laughter. The carefree attitude and lessening of burdens that can only be found on a leisurely boat trip across the water.
The sky was bluer. The trees taller. The lake clearer.
I stared out over the placid water and lost myself, while a warm breeze tickled my thoughts with future wishes and candy-coated fortunes of unrealized desires yet to be conquered. It was a daydreamer’s paradise, building castles in the air, bobbing on the water to the intrinsic melody of nature and the siren song of creation.
Then in an offhand manner, the husband casually mentioned that with their new addition the lake house (my description) now sleeps 22. I had assumed I hadn’t heard him correctly or that his math was wrong. That number didn’t make any sense in my mind.
Yet upon arrival, I realized it was my mistake to presume.
He had been right.
It did sleep 22.
The lake house itself is not important. It was your typical stunner – three levels of wrap around decks. Spectacular views. One of those houses that is a borderline mansion larger than any primary residences I know of and when you first come in sight of it you start running mental calculations along the lines of holy fucking shit how much it must of cost to build this place, let alone maintain it.
What is important is the why behind it and the conversation that ensued.
Keep in mind, as we talked, I learned these were just ordinary people to my surprise. No high-flying jet-setting executive was living here. No business owner. No newly-christened crypto multi-millionaire.
No.
Nothing of the sort.
Just an older couple, who had a normal family – a husband and wife who had both worked typical middle-class jobs – teacher and journalist. Nothing was special about them except that they had inherited first generation wealth and were now planning for the third.
As I followed the husband around the many rooms in the house, he began to enlighten me with his reasoning for such a largesse upgrade.
He has two sons, each with three kids of their own, and the rationale for him building such an enormous lake house, wasn’t because he could, but because he was planning for the next generation when he was gone.
He had particular motivations and pitfalls he was trying to avoid.
First, he wanted both families to be able to always access the vacation home at the same time, as well as to provide ample room for their own growing families and the next line of great grandchildren. If he had not increased the space considerably, this wouldn’t be a possibility. His big worry being that if the property had remained its original size, it might cause future conflict between his children over who could stay and when.
Second, he wanted to address what would happen if one child was wealthier than the other (which is almost always the case). If he could set up a trust, and make things as even as possible, this would allow the less wealthy family to still have full access and enjoy the lake house without any additional financial burden.
The more I listened to him, the more impressed I became.
He had done his homework. He had learned from watching so many other families bicker and backstab over an inheritance which they each believed belonged only to them, was their god-appointed entitlement, a birthright, and would die fighting to make sure another sibling never got their due.
Sure, there is only so much you can do to plan for your own death and hope that your kids won’t kill each other in squabbling over your estate.
But I thought he had done as good a job as he could. Now it would be up to his kids.
Did I think the lake house went a little overboard for my own personal taste? Of course.
However, I have never had a couple million laying around to play with (my assumption by the good ol’ eyeball test, not verified).
They had the means to do it, so why not?
I was fine with their decision.
Would others balk? Probably. They’d call it excessive and lavish, another black mark against the elite, judge them like I did initially, for using their wealth as it was intended: to do with as they want.
Nothing more and nothing less.
Such is life.
It’s about decisions.
Personal decisions.
And we each live with our own choices. We live with the results. Breathing them in and out like the part of us they’ve become.
Yet after hearing their logic, I respected their decisions and wished them the best. It looked like their family just might beat the odds and maybe have a shot at a fourth generation of wealth building.
However, on a personal level, it’s interesting to observe how seeing such wealth on display affected my own psyche. Because let’s be honest, it just doesn’t happen that much – especially when literally stepping from an off-the-grid property with no utilities, onto a boat, to their immaculate lakefront manor.
And it wasn’t a jealous or envious response at first glance, but more of wonder – what would my life be like if I had so much?
It’s this fictious measuring stick in my mind’s eye that I believe we all succumb to from time to time. We know that the wealth won’t make us happier, yet we still question deep down if it might?
I’d be lying to you if I said I was 100% comfortable in my own skin and wasn’t impressed.
It almost forced a mental confrontation within me, of questioning how my own previous generations had behaved. What had they been thinking? Or did they even think?
Yes, a pointless exercise, yet I couldn’t help myself.
Then the reasoning evolved into me questioning my own life. How should I set up my future trust or estate when I leave this Earth? Should I shoot for the stars and try and preserve some generational wealth or not even care?
Or maybe, I’d leave this ball of sunshine behind in a broke and defeated state without a dollar to my name.
Who knows?
Yet as we were stepping back on the boat to depart, I had become unsettled.
But I shouldn’t have been.
The breeze was gently rising, the pines swaying, the crystal water beckoning.
Yet there was a single question that kept circling my restless thoughts like a shark tasting blood in the water: are all the trends true – the first generation builds it, the second spends it and by the third it’s all gone?
Can that be real?
Is that the world we live in?
Then as the boat slowly pulled away from the dock, I glanced up one last time at the towering lake house peering down at me, as if it were reading my very thoughts.
Yes, it whispered in my mind. Yes, it seemed to say. Remember what you thought when you first pulled up on my shore without an explanation.
Remember how you judged me.
This is the way it is.
-Q-FI
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What are your thoughts on generational wealth? While any day can be our last, have you already put specific directions in place? Kids or not, it’s a question we all must face someday? Where and how will our wealth go once our life ends… if we’re lucky enough to even have any that is.
My great grand father was very wealthy. I hear stories of my grandfather having his own car in his late teens in the thirties/ forties. An exceedingly rare example of wealth.
By my own observations my parents net worth when I went to college 20 years ago was negative. I don’t know how the family lost the money. It wasn’t from large families from what I can tell, but they did. My family’s example is not exceptional. Today I approach our kids future with one goal. It’s not to pass on money. It’s to pass on knowledge. We shall see how that goes.
I like your take, and agree, passing on knowledge is key. However, I think my goal will be to pass on some money with that knowledge… haha. Sometimes my practicality takes precedence over benevolence. However, then there’s the question, is it better to pass on wealth, or have your kids work for it? I’m of the camp right now, pass it on and hope they don’t fuck it up. Either way, I’ll be dead and gone… hahaha – maybe a little morbid, but let’s be realists here.
On a sidetone, I have the utmost confidence your kids are going to be well grounded and knowledgeable. You’ve always been a stand up guy with comments and how you run your blog. So you have my endorsement! Plus, no better way to pass on knowledge than by fostering and teaching first hand. You got this!
I’ve had some billionaire friends and most of my friends are at least multi millionaires. While the richest own jets and even a private island and multiple vacation homes they don’t live measurably better than I do. Nor have I ever envied their lives. We only spend a fraction of what we could. Money doesn’t limit me, my own desires are naturally limited because possessions don’t equate to purpose and contentment. Handing seven figure inheritances to each of our three kids, which we will, hardly represents generational wealth in my opinion. It’s just not that much money.
One of the things I love about this blog Steveark, is how it keeps my perspective in check and reminds me that everything in life is relative. Our personal views are shaped by where we’re standing.
A few million bucks is a shit ton of cabbage to me, let alone hanging with billionaires. But to you, not so much, and either way, doesn’t matter in the least bit. It’s cool what different backgrounds or lives we come from and can share our own unique experiences. You hit the nail on the head, “possessions don’t equate to purpose and contentment.” I couldn’t agree more. And like you said, “they don’t live measurably better than I do.” We all breathe oxygen. We all go on the internet, have the same phones and shop at markets for food.
I gotta ask though, did you ever get to go to your pal’s private island? That sounds like it would be pretty sweet.
One of the great things about vacations and traveling is getting out of the routine and meeting new people who aren’t part of the daily grind. There’s always a slight shift to our perspectives when we listen to other people’s tales. This couple you met have some pretty cool ideas.
I embarrassingly don’t have a true will written out yet. Something that’s on my to do list, but keeps getting kicked down the road. Maybe the real reason is that I don’t like facing down my mortality just yet. If I were ultra-wealthy, I’m not sure how I would feel about passing extraordinary wealth down to my heirs with no stipulations or direct instructions. I think the idea of a trust and shared property is great. Looking down my own family line, I’m pretty sure nobody was rich from the stories I’ve been told, but land and property have been left behind both here and in Mexico. I’ve seen fights and uncomfortable conversations about dealing with this property left behind. A proper will would have solved this.
I think what FTF said in his comment is pretty spot on to what I’d like to do, leave some knowledge behind. If all goes well, I’ll have something left over to leave for my kids. I don’t see myself making a concerted effort to do it, meaning I’m not going to pinch pennies when I’m old just have assets left over for my kids. Also, great writing in this post. Did you do any fishing up there?
I agree Noel, getting out of your normal routine and meeting people on trips is great. I love getting glimpses into other people’s lives and hearing their stories.
Hey no worries on having planned out your will yet. You’ll get there and better late than never.
It’s an interesting question of what to do if you are in a position to pass down significant wealth. Hopefully we’ve raised our kids right and it won’t fuck them up or kill their work ethic. I’m with you and FTF that knowledge is the most important, but I think I’d feel guilty if I gave my estate away to charity rather than my heirs. I don’t know. Just what I’m feeling today.
I’m with you that the goal is to live my best life first and not be building some empire to pass on.
You know, I did not do any fishing. That’s something I’d like to get back into. I fished a lot as a kid with my Grandpa, but my Dad doesn’t fish and I don’t really have anyone to go with that I know of locally. It was mostly hanging out at the lake, hiking around the island, kayaking and water sports. But if I had someone to fish with, I would have gone.
The place you describe sounds idyllic Q-FI, you’ve given me wanderlust!
I wonder how often the families will actually holiday concurrently, filling all 22 beds? Rarely, I bet!
Where I’m from, they used to say the first generation acquires the wealth, the second generation consolidates it, and the third generation squanders it. Something about the second generation remembering life before there was lots of money, so aware of life without, whereas the third generation takes it for granted as it is all they have ever know.
You know Indeedably, that lake is probably one of my favorite places in the world. It’s still relatively unknown – although that is changing very rapidly. We’re having this crazy Mountain town boom in the US, in which the rich are creating crazy bidding wars in states like Montana, Colorado, Idaho, Washington and Oregon. You used to be able to get dirt cheap property in these states, but now you’re hitting CA prices. It’s pretty crazy. Sad in a way, yet inevitable.
Five years ago I could have bought a nice cabin probably in the range of $300K on that lake. Now you need about $1.2M to even start w/ a 2bed/1bath. Just wild.
Yeah, I’m not sure either how much they’ll holiday concurrently, but at least they have the option. I liked that part, that even though maybe unrealistic, he was trying to provide a place that they could still fit both families and interact.
Maybe I got it wrong then, my memory is shit. I probably should have said, the first builds it, the second chills with it and the third blows it. Hahaha. Either way, it’s gone by the third…
Thanks for chiming in bud.
Great post, read it twice.
I think the lack of obvious intergenerational wealth is because so few people in the past have had wealth. Those that have needed family offices to ensure governments, trustees, scammers, and markets haven’t run them dry.
In many ways, a holiday house is a good way to preserve wealth. It doesn’t earn income and therefore there is no income tax and therefore only burden is maintenance. Income instead is deferred, i.e. the family can holiday there for “free”.
Nevertheless, without additional family wealth, it’s hard not to imagine future generations lamenting the costs and getting of tired of the same “free” holiday. Eventually, someone is going to want to cash out.
Hey Bludger – all good points.
It’s always been interesting to me how people can blow a lot of money so quickly. But I guess when you aren’t used to saving or investing, it’s easy to lose it all on a spending spree. Is that the lack of financial literacy part, the lack of money discussions in our society, a failure of parents? I don’t know. Will society ever change and dial down the consumption? Don’t know either. But what I do know, is that at some point capitalism won’t be able to continue growing itself out of problems. The debt will cause a reckoning at some point. Hopefully it’s not during our lifetime though. Ha!
He was trying to take care of the costs of maintenance w/ the trust for the cabin. But I’m with you, that the big risk is the kids have an expensive asset not being used all the time and want to cash out. But if that’s the case, so be it. Once it passes, it’s up to them.
Thanks for commenting Bludger and reading twice!
ha. i just saw about the exact same thing during our week in the boondocks. the joint is only about 5 hours driving from nyc and some really wealthy people have camps on the larger lake up the road. our friend/host is a small town lawyer up there and toured us around in his old beater boat regaling us with prominent actors and titans of industry who owned houses on the lake. we even stopped to visit a couple who own a chemical company but had a very rustic and basic cabin.
i think in small town life personality is the great equalizer. there is no anonymity up there and how you conduct your affairs is known to basically all the locals. what if you had all the money in the world but nobody liked you because you acted like an a-hole? we don’t have any grand plans for our money except to give it to some friends/relatives.
Sounds like Smidlap-con was a raging success… haha. I can’t help but crack up every time I think about it. Just such good shit man.
Nothing like a boat tour and some good conversation to give you some perspective in life… hahaha. Those were probably some characters to hear about.
Yeah, that small town vibe can be a good check on people. I think my lake used to be that way. They say originally all the small and rustic cabins were owned by teachers, because they were the only ones that had summers off. But now the money is coming in and people are bulldozing places and building whatever they want. Good for those that want to sell, but the vibe was so different and better over a decade ago. Would have been real cool if I could have seen this place in the 70’s or 80’s. Oh well, just gotta change and adapt.
No need to have any grand plans. Pass it on wherever you fancy. It’s you who earned it, so it should be you who decides where it goes.
Charles Hugh Smith over at //oftwominds/ has explored this point about “remote sites”, interestingly enough — if you’re prepping, you’d better be a respectable (at least tolerable) and *contributing* addition to the community. If nothing else, the local teens will find the occasional-visitor’s hidey-hole, look around inside while it’s unoccupied, consume the beer and foods, and walk off with the higher-quality tools (maybe even the structure itself).
Ah, there it is. https://www.oftwominds.com/blogjun08/survival6-08.html “The Art of Survival, Taoism and the Warring States”
Funny take and thanks for sharing Joseph. When I go up to Big Bear lake, I’ll hang with some locals once in a while. They still call me “flatlander” – though more endearingly than the term is normally meant. Haha.
Good stuff.
I love that these people of modest means have chosen to not only share their inheritance, but have chosen the most equitable way to preserve their wealth for future generations in a way that ensures their continual interaction with one another. It’s easy to cause a fight between siblings set to inherit money, but they’re trying to prevent that in an intelligent and clever way, plus it gets them quality time with the family. I’m all for this plan!
My grandpa rose from poverty into wealth, though you’d never guess it to look at him. He left that money to his kids. I imagine I’ll see some of it someday, but I don’t rely on it because I have my own money and what if it’s needed for an emergency before I get a dime anyway?
Interesting story as usual, my friend!
It was a good wake up call for me in how quickly I judged them at first, but then when we got into it, I really respected them for trying. Just scary how fast we flip on that assumption switch. I try to be more humble, but it’s still a work in progress – probably always will be.
I’m all for assets that force a family to interact more, or at least you hope they’ll continue to get along. I’ve got a good relationship with my other two siblings but I see a lot of families in which the parents die, and then it’s a blood bath fighting over their estate. That’s always sad for me watch. You’re trying to grieve but instead have to deal with petty people.
Your G-pa sounds like the millionaire next store. Is that where you get all your financial savvy from? Haha.
Yeah I’m pretty much the same as you’ll. There will most likely be some form of a small windfall in my future from one side of the parents at least, unless healthcare doesn’t take everything. I have my own money and plan that I’ll get nothing. But if something does come, great. I’ll try to do something good with it or make it count.
Thanks for reading and commenting Katie!
Wish I knew you were in the area – Would has made it out. If nothing else to check out a vacation home that sleeps 22! Hope you had a nice visit and enjoyed the cooler weather up here.
This is an interesting one. I totally support their decision to ensure future equity with the kids & grandkids as I have seen some very ugly intra-family feuds among siblings with friends. That said, an add-on to sleep 22 triggers my personal definition of irresponsibility, but to each their own.
As for me, while I have no children, a key part of my retirement plan is a 7-figure legacy to be used to start and/or benefit an animal sanctuary Hopefully things work out that way, but, nah, I don’t want or need to spend it all, so may as well help others be those kids, family, friends or anyone else for that matter.
Hey MF and looks like you had some good times at Comic Con. That’s what FI is for!
Yeah, I would have reached out if I had more autonomy. Unfortunately this was more of a quick trip and I had no car nor boat (being on the island really reduces your options), was reliant on others the entire time. Plus, with COVID, just thought laying low was best.
I might make it out next year again, and if I do I’ll give you sufficient notice to see if we can at least do a little blogger pow wow for a few hours. But my real goal is to see that mysterious fate estate! Haha.
That’s pretty dope about the animal sanctuary, I’ll have to think more on this if I do ever end up with a significant nest egg to dole out. I’m with you on the 22, wasn’t my taste, but if you have your reasons then go for it. If it’s your money, then it’s your dream to create.