Flying Is A Microcosm Of What’s Wrong In Our Country

I’ve lost my barometer for measuring how much goodness there is in the world. 

I like to keep things simple.  And there’s nothing simpler to measure the pulse of humanity than by observing how people act on a plane – and more particularly, watching how the boarding and deboarding processes unfold. 

I had been writing a different post for this pre-pandemic (February 2020), but as you can tell by the title, once COVID-19 kept growing I put it off until I thought my travel would pick back up.  However, since I’m pretty sure now that I won’t be stepping on a plane for at least the rest of 2020 (which I have mixed emotions about), I still think the subject matter applies in a broad sense. 

When we strip everything away, this is a post about people and their obsession with entitlement. 

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Fuck man.  People can be pricks. 

If you ever want to see a snapshot of the worst in humanity.  Just fly on a plane.  Yep.  Unfortunately, it’s that easy. 

Have you flown on a plane lately?  Do remember what it was like? 

I used to fly once or twice a week for work.  So, I wasn’t a crazy daily traveler, but I was a frequent traveler.  I had my routines dialed in, travel suitcase packed to perfection and hotel living optimized to maximum efficiency.  The more you travel, or let me clarify, the more you fly, like anything in life with practice, the better you become at it.  If you’re only car traveling than you can get away with storing a lot of extra shit in your vehicle.  With flying, your space is limited and valuable.  It literally separates the men from the boys.  Hahaha.

Yet, even with my extensive experience with flying, I am still constantly amazed at the behavior I see on planes.  There is no better way to observe grown adults acting like petulant and vindictive schoolyard children.  You would think that at some point I would become immune, but holy fucking shit!  The selfishness and entitlement of people when they are boarding and exiting planes is off the charts. 

What the fuck is going on with America?  Well, I’ll rephrase that.  Western America that is…  I don’t get to the Midwest, South or East Coast that often.  So, if you’re in one of those regions, let me know in the comments if your people are as fucked up as mine? 

Let’s begin with the boarding process first. 

I mostly fly Southwest.  If you aren’t familiar with this airline, they do things a little differently than the other ones.  They don’t have assigned seating, so this makes the order in which you board more valuable than on a normal airplane.  The farther back your boarding pass is, the more likely you’re going to be that sucker stuck in a middle seat.  And yep, you sure as fuck don’t want to be that Gringo. 

So now that we’ve established the rules, you know the stakes. 

But here’s the real kicker.  I’m an A-List Preferred member because I fly so much.  This handy dandy club almost always puts me in the first 30 passengers to board.  Let’s just say that an average Southwest 737 Jet has about 175 seats.  You can do the math and see that I’ll basically get the seat that I want being in this first 30 boarding group.  So really, if I’m 1-30, I don’t give a fuck where I fall in that order. 

Yet, oh my God.  These fucking insane people treat their place in line like it is life and death.  Literally. 

You might be like, hey there lil’ Q-FI buddyaroo, you gotta be crazy.  That doesn’t make any sense.  Surely you must be either seeing things or misinformed.  There’s no way something as stupid as that can matter so much to people. 

Yeah… I wish I was fucking joking.  I wish people could take a deep breath, chill the fuck out and realize they are drowning in excess and privilege.  But these spoiled fucks aren’t part of the Q-FI Kingdom.  They have not been led to the promised land and drunken the elixir-of-life cool-aid that I’m about to pour down their sorry ass throats. 

They cannot see through their own demise. 

Here’s my most common boarding example, and it would happen weekly to me.  The flight attendant would make the announcement that my flight was boarding, so I’d saunter on up to my normal place in line for the first 30 boarding group (usually the 20-25 mark).  Let’s just say today that I’m at number 20.  I’m in my pre-flight prep routine, air pods in and mentally running through my work tasks that I would need to accomplish on this flight. 

Then what looks to be a very nice person comes up to me.  (You can tell the newbs right away.  They either have their phone out or boarding pass in hand and have their head on a swivel trying to find their place in line.)  They have that lost look in their eyes – which is actually greed masquerading as kind uncertainty.  I continue to stand in my spot doing my thing like a million times before. 

Finally, they step directly in my line of sight, so I take out my earbuds while they ask me what my boarding number is. 

I reply casually with a smile and sense of humor, “20, but it really doesn’t matter.  We’re all getting on the plane at the same time.” 

You couldn’t snap your fingers in the time it takes for that person’s pleasant round features on their face to suddenly morph into a mask of jagged angles and harsh anger.  The usual response is huffing and puffing that it does matter.  There’s a reason for boarding numbers.  Once in a while I’ll actually get a lecture on this.  These people protect their place in line as if it were a direct reflection of their status in the world. 

It’s pretty fucking wild.  Of course, I never waste my breath trying to explain to them that they’ll get the seat they want, maybe a little more kindness and understanding would go a longer way.  Instead I nod and take a mental note – fuck, there remain quite a few shitty people out there in this all too small seeming world. 

Now, maybe if you really want to stretch it, you can say, “Hey Q-FI, I’m super tall and need to sit in the emergency row seats to get the extra leg room.”  And I’ll give you that.  Sounds like a legit reason.  The problem is, there are still always emergency row seats available in the first 30 boarding.  Most people continue to sit up front regardless of this perk.  So, there’s no reason for someone to use this excuse to be a dick.  The rude behavior is still uncalled for. 

When you have a process as simple as standing in line to board a plane, and people can’t show decent courtesy, why would you expect them to do it elsewhere? 

And then there’s the deboarding assholes – if you happen to be one of these dicks, please think about changing your behavior when normal flying resumes. 

What’s with their maniacal obsession of cutting people off and giving humanity a bad name?  I don’t know.  And you know exactly which people I’m talking about.  As soon as the seatbelt light goes off, they jump in the aisle, have their bags ready and cut off anyone in their way in order to be a few seconds ahead of the next guy departing the plane.  Cut off the first ten rows of people, elders, woman and children?  No fucking problem!

Unfortunately, I’ve come to know this type real well over the years, and you can’t miss the entitlement glaring in their eyes.  ME FIRST their demeanor screams as I slyly step in front of them to make sure my row can safely depart first.  Hahahaha.  I love doing this.  And yes, here I am responding to one wrong with my own childish glee. 

Yet it all comes down to just basic courtesy and decency.  I see this same show each and every time I fly, both with the boarding and deboarding process.  It’s like clockwork now.  Once in a while you get that bright uplifting moment that makes your day.  It puts a pop in your step and you think that maybe the good guy has fighting chance in the end.  But more often than not, I either board or depart from that plane thinking the less human interaction in this world the better. 

I’ve lost touch with why everyone is in such a rush.  Why the obsession of my own entitlement and selfishness should trump the needs of others?  And I’d hope that with the pandemic unraveling people would only improve their behavior and think twice about their actions. 

Yet, with the current mask wearing debacle, I don’t see this happening anytime soon. 

But if you want to start improving this world and don’t know where to start.  Begin by being a little nicer to everyone the next time you fly. 

Because I just might be there over your shoulder… watching. 

-Q-FI 

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P.S.  For those flyers out there, what do you think?  Do you agree with my assessment of how terrible people can act on planes?  Let me know.  And if you’ve flown post COVID-19, how did it go?  Were people respectful or even more on edge?