Vanity.
Oh, vanity.
Cloaked insecurity stitched together by threads of belonging.
Vain glory.
Sitting on its perch. High and mighty. The envy of all the land.
We’ve all done it before.
And if you’re sitting there saying to yourself, nope, not me. Maybe it’s time to take another check on reality? Or maybe you’re not even human?
I doubt that.
But maybe… just maybe…
However, people can be weird sometimes. stubborn. More hopeless than a drowning man who believes he can swim across the ocean.
For the other 99% of you who aren’t delusional, who are honest, have managed to scrape together just an inkling of self-integrity and pragmatism, while practicing merely an ounce of emotional intelligence and self-awareness, I know this has happened to you before.
In the heat of the moment, in the allure of the chase, in that split second in which digital decimals procreate, we compare our status in life and lose perspective: we make that on the whim purchase.
Whether it’s minutes, hours, days, weeks or months later, at some point we come to regret it and ask ourselves, “what the fuck was I thinking?”
No? This isn’t you? Never had this happen?
Damn, must be nice being perfect. Fuck man, I thought you only existed in fairytales, but thanks for gracing the rest of us with your infallible and golden-haloed trumpeting presence.
We are truly blessed.
Hahaha.
But it’s not often that I do this, make an on the whim purchase. Years of experience and settling into my value structure like carefully mixing colors on a painter’s pallet has provided a structure that isn’t easily infiltrated by new age marketing, YOLO and FOMO.
However, neither am I entirely immune. I like to belong just like my next fellow Sapiens genetic programing, play in that sandbox of social confirmation – build community, feel accepted, receive approval. And with enough subliminal advertising, targeted manipulation on social media and the internet, my resolve weakens like any other living thing.
Nothing is infallible. Nothing is permanent. And the cliché still rings true, whether in a negative or positive light, anything is possible. Whether facing up or down, the void still exists.
Yet, I’ll also say that vanity probably gets more of a negative rap than it deserves. Take it too far, and sure, it sows the seeds of destruction, jealousy, envy and wins you a life-long seat on the slave-galley of comparison.
But good things can also result from the shadow whispers of accumulating the have’s vs have-nots. Not everything is negative. Take for instance motivation to drive achievements or maintaining physical health to be attractive and desirable. These are great things in and of themselves when not pushed too far.
They keep us busy. Productive. Healthy. Maybe a little distracted as well, so we’re not out there killing our fellow man.
Then again, like I mentioned before, no matter how strong the walls of your fortitude, all it takes is a single moment of weakness, that one perfectly placed ad or ego-massaging sentence from a salesman that knows his trade, and we forget who we are…
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The Southern California Sun beamed down at me, brighter than a newborn’s smile, as I crossed the street from the Mall’s parking lot with my wife in tow. Its warmth felt like a friendly hand reaching out to welcome me on my way. Guiding me. Natures’ winking acknowledgment that this is where I was supposed to be in life.
There was a slight pep in my step, because we were shopping today.
It wasn’t the buying that had me excited. I never go shopping. I hate going into brick-and-mortar stores more than anything, let alone spend time trapped within a mall. But today was a special occasion.
It was March 2019, and my little brother was going to get married in a few months. I was the best man, and had a list of duties to plan for, which required some wardrobe upgrades.
During my worst addiction span, 2014-2016, I had gained 50 pounds and was a bloated mess, jowls hanging to my throat as if I’d aged 30 years. But from 2017 on, I had become a new man. Exercising daily, motivated and determined to achieve my prior athlete form. By the time 2019 rolled around I was running Spartan Beasts and just as strong and fit as I had ever been progressing into my late 30’s.
Overall, this was great, however, when it came to wearing nice clothes, nothing really fit anymore. My prior wardrobe was still sized for the broken me, not the cut and athletic dynamo that had been unleashed. Hahaha.
So, the wife and I were off to Nordstrom’s to see what we could get.
Growing up, I had never been into clothes. My family shopped on a budget. School clothes and the occasional suit was from JC Penny’s. Recreational clothes from Mervyns. My family wasn’t setting the fashion world on fire by any means.
Plus, clothes are just something I’ve never understood. Once you get beyond basic quality of material and craftsmanship, the price can go only so high. Or least, that’s what should happen in theory. Yet, we have these designer clothes like a pair of jeans that cost $1K. To me, that’s robbery.
But hey, if that’s your thing, then cool. It’s your money.
And then when we get into the professional world, clothing budgets can get dangerous.
For myself being in business, you might be surprised that I don’t spend that much on my wardrobe. Most of my days are business casual and if you look for sales and are strategic, buying dress shirts and slacks will not break your wallet. I’m not in a daily suit and tie industry, so one or two good suits is all I need. Getting a little older however, I do like to spend a little more to have a good suit. Even if you’re not in business I think this is a good investment. There will always come that random time when you need to wear formal attire.
However, our trip for today was for a sports coat. For reasons that have evaded me, I just had never bought one. I’d use my suit jackets here and there instead.
But I felt both with the new shiny job I had obtained in late 2018 and planning all these wedding events for my brother, it was finally time.
I needed something that would make a statement. This would be my first large family event I’d be attending since getting clean and sober. Part of my ego was clawing to the surface here. I wanted to not only look good, I wanted to impress.
The details of our shopping escapade aren’t that important – the salesperson’s job was to sell – it was more my psychology that weakened in the moment.
We walk into Nordstrom’s beginning of Spring, the new collection is out, no sales, no off season deals, we’re buying at the absolute wrong time. My usual trend would be to buy a Hugo Boss $1K suit in the off season for half off. Maybe $500 is a lot for a suit for you, or maybe not. Don’t know, but that was my range. But today there would be no deals.
The salesperson shows me two great Hugo Boss sport coats, a stylish blue for the board room and a swag maroon for play time at the bars. Both were great. They’d fit like a glove after tailoring.
$800 each. A very steep price for me to pay for style.
But I’m feeling good, I can at least get one jacket. This is a special occasion; my brother only gets married once (at least I’m hoping). I can afford to splurge a little here.
Then my wife says, “Why not buy both? You need good sports jackets, and you don’t have any?”
I do love that woman to death, but she can also be my kryptonite. I was in a weakened state already, my ego overpowering me, and she’s the spender out of the two of us. So, she’ll always err on the “buy it and enjoy life” side of things.
Not what I needed to hear in the moment.
There was just enough truth in her that statement that it hooked me like some alluring bait riding the tide on a deep-sea fishing trip.
I only needed one coat – that was already way more expensive than I normally would ever pay – but why not two?
We were here, weren’t we? And I just tried them both on and they looked marvelous.
Then my inner saboteur (thank you Indeedably), whispered that famous line that crosses all our minds at some point: Don’t I deserve this?
Haven’t I worked hard to earn possessions like this? And damn, I looked good in them. They made me feel good. So why not give in?
Although my logical subconscious screamed, “Noooooo!” My ego handed over my credit card as cool and calm as a Buddhist monk on retreat, and it was done.
The jackets would go to the tailor, and I’d pick them up in a week. $1,600 gone up in smoke just like that.
I regretted it instantly the next day but decided to stick with my decision. This was pennies compared to other financial mistakes. And it would prove a good reminder to stick within my game plan in the future.
I was allowed to splurge. But I’d rather splurge on things I love and consume almost daily.
Fashion, not so much.
To this day I think I’ve worn both jackets combined maybe a total of 5-6 times. So, in a two-year span, I’m averaging almost $266 per use… hahaha. I still have time, so hopefully that ROI will increase.
They are good quality jackets. That I can smile about.
But overall, if I had to do it again, I wouldn’t be spending $1,600 on a vanity play for two sport coats that keep my other clothes in my closet more company than myself.
Oh well.
To live is to learn.
And to spend… is sometimes to regret.
-Q-FI
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Let’s hear it my Q-FI-aniros. When has vanity led to a larger purchase than you normally would have made? Or when has your inner saboteur forced an ego transaction you later regretted?
i remember around 1996 finding myself in so-cal on rodeo drive in beverly hills. so, i was 27-28 years old and really should have been doing budget travel and clothing. i was with my gal at the time and she encouraged me to buy the gucci shirt with the french cuffs and the coordinating purple tie. those items must have cost about $300 bucks for my broke ass. they were perfect for lunch at the four seasons! well, at least i still have those items and they still look great even after 25 years of careful use. just like you, q, it was a lesson learned.
thankfully i don’t do much to impress any longer. i don’t want to show up to a formal event looking like a schmuck but it’s now within reason and “good enough” wins the day.
Hahaha… that’s a pretty similar situation. Sometimes we get lost in the heat of the moment. But what’s more remarkable to me, is you still have that shirt and tie after 25 years… Now that ROI is probably in your favor! Hahaha. Plus, if it still fits, that’s the biggest accomplishment in itself! I’m hoping these two sport coats fit me just as well 25 years from now.
Always great hearing your stories. And I agree with you in the end, “good enough” wins the day. No one wants to look like shit at a formal event, but with a little thought and effort you can look pretty good without breaking the bank.
Thanks for sharing Freddy!
Good ol’ Vanity! Love it. I’m certainly similar in over -spending on business attire, specifically suits. Like your sport coats, they look and fit amazing, but I’d definitely not have bought them nowadays. I guess the good news is that they got plenty of use so my “cost per wear” is somewhat decent!
While not a vanity purchase per se, I’m still regretting the purchase of that crossbow last year which still has yet to be fired.
I’m looking forward to the day business attire becomes my secondary wardrobe. Although, this year has already been a taste of that. WFH in winter is jeans, a t-shirt and running shoes. WFH summer is a shorts, a t-shirt and rainbow sandals. Although fleeting, it’s been a great experiment for how future comfort will trump outside looks.
I love the crossbow mention… hahaha. Did not see that one coming.
I might have a few (or more!!) things I regret wasting money on that fed my vanity. I figure I did well in other spots, so I guess it offsets those purchases, but I’m glad I figured it out. I remember taking myself on a shopping spree with a friend when I was 34. I was finally making good money and could afford to treat myself for once. My thoughts as I was blowing through money that day? “Oh, I’ll work some more overtime to pay for it.” That bad habit took over for a bit, but I eventually figured out I didn’t want to keep reading my personal time for more overtime just to cover wasteful spending.
I don’t regret it. I had fun, got to live a little after years of deprivation, but that’s over. I’ve found much more balance now. You have too.
It’s all learning and like you said finding balance. If we didn’t have some big splurges to reminisce about, where’s the fun in life? Haha.
We all have some good stories to tell as well about wild spending. It’s the people on podcasts that I hear say, “I’ve never made a money mistake,” that drives me a little nuts.
Better to be honest with yourself and learn, then to be held forever in denial.
Good point on OT – that it might enable more spending because you have the option to do it. I’ve never thought of it like that, but it makes sense.
1600, that’s all? I was waiting for the mountain cabin or boat spiel.. you got off easy…
In all seriousness my last big one was the Corvette. I sold it last year after 12000 miles and 20k in depreciation. I enjoyed the heck out of it, never regretted it, but that doesn’t change the fact it was a vanity purchase.
I’m not much for fashion so no suit stories, but we all have our weaknesses.
What? You’re not the fashionista in Delaware?
Hahahaha… yeah, no super major vanity purchases for me. Like you I bought a new car, but had it for 5 years now and won’t sell probably for another 10-15, so over all, not unhappy with the decision. I might have done better in the used market, but it’s all water under the bridge by now.
Yet, the one that always sticks out in my mind, are these sports coats. Haha. Sometimes it’s those little things that stick with us and remain like a splinter under our skin.
But you’re right, putting $1,600 in perspective, it is nothing.
I love the imagery, and glad you have an incentive to stay in shape so you can eventually recoup some value from your investment!
I’ve never been much into clothes, wearing the corporate uniform (was Hugo Boss for me too, until a few years ago when the build quality fell away) to create the right impression at work, but otherwise it was t-shirts and jeans.
My vanity trophies were gadgets, high end laptops and such back when I cared about such things. I remember one time in the early 2000s, it was cheaper to fly to New York, buy the toy at Circuit City, and fly home than it was to purchase the equivalent model in London. So I did!
I don’t regret the awesome weekend city break, but burning a small fortune on something I didn’t really need and that became antiquated after less than a year was nothing but hubris.
These days my vanity purchases are travel. Post card sites, collect the full set. Just as vain. Just as frivolous. That whole “experiences not things” mantra is just a really successful tourism industry marketing campaign!
That is a pretty cool story, flying to New York and snagging your gadget for cheaper than buying it in London. Hahaha. I’ve never done anything like that, never even thought of looking for a deal like that, but great play. And a tale that will never get old.
I agree on the “experience vs things” mantra – very good marketing for those peddling the experiences. But there’s always that learning and adventure aspect with travel. Even if you’re not immersing yourself entirely in a new culture, there’s still that flavor of the unknown.
Good stuff as always bud. I just saw your new post, so I’ll be reading it soon.
I hope it’s been a relatively smooth transition with the new job. I was thinking the other day, hey, now Indeedably is at least getting paid to write his blog finally! Hahaha.
I like the idea of keeping a cost per wear/use on purchased items. Might be some hard truths in that spreadsheet!
Yes, there will be some hard truths. Normally I wouldn’t even pay attention to this. But we all have that one purchase that still nags at us no matter how much time has passed. Hahaha.
I’ve been caught up in the moment on various occasions too. There’s something about going to the store with intention to spend and not having a specific item/price in mind that can lead to trouble. Luckily I’ve never had to worry too much about work attire, half my work wardrobe comes from stores like TJ Maxx.
I think back to my FJ Cruiser I bought brand new in 2013. I knew exactly what package I wanted for off roading and this package was a few grand more than the standard version. So of course I imagined I would be off roading quite often. This also led to buying some pricy all terrain tires. I probably off road once or twice a year while camping, and have only done two serious trails in the 8 years I’ve owned it. The tires come in handy when I’m in tahoe. All in all not worth the nearly 10k I spent for the bells and whistles.
Cars seem to be a big one with many people. If you hold on to it long enough, and can at least crank out a little bit of use, it can be a breakeven. But those upgrades can get you.
I kind of had the same deal when I was laid off. I had finally got a new company car (all the bells and whistles with tech upgrades and remote start) a year prior to them letting me go. After being chopped, I went out and bought a car with all the same stuff. It’s till a good ride, Toyota Avalon, but I never use remote start and half the shit. It was all a vanity play.
But hey, I learned and got it out of my system. And at least you got the snow covered with those all terrain tires when you make it to it!
Ok, so I really don’t mean to be irritating but I’m sitting here and thinking hard about when the last vanity/impulse buy actually was for me…..I’m struggling!!
I guess if I go with Indeedably then travel, easy. But I tend to agree with you, I don’t travel to tell others about the cool, glossy places I’ve ticked off. I just go to try different things – especially sunshine, being from the UK…..🤣
So if I rummage back far enough I do remember buying a new suit on my first promotion…..think it cost something like £50 twenty odd years ago. Yup, still got it but happily don’t need to wear it these days.
I do actually get your reasoning though – I lost a lot of weight after a bad break-up and defn went through a phase of new clothes just because I actually looked good in them for a change!! It’s just so surprising when you look in the mirror you can’t help yourself! So
Hahahaha… there’s always one person like you Michelle, that is the perfect spender and shames us all! J/K.
But seriously, that’s pretty cool if nothing comes to mind. It means you’re living solidly within your values. Kudos to you.
That’s funny, that like Freddy, you still have that suit. That’s a long time to hang on to a piece of clothing.
Hope you’re in a mid-summer travel spree Michelle and enjoying all that freedom. Thanks for swinging by!