Can You See the Change?

Change is a peculiar thing. 

Sometimes it happens fast, and sometimes it happens slow.  Sometimes we see it in ourselves, and sometimes only others can see it in us. 

Last year, when I took a family trip in the fall to Portland, ME, something happened (well a few things actually) that reinforced a change in my wife and I that was almost palpable.  We had stepped across the mythical line of becoming doers, rather than shoppers. 

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Our little group had just arrived in Portland right before sundown, from a beautiful cross state drive beginning in the rustic wilderness of Vermont.  We had attended my cousin’s wedding located in East Dorset the previous night and decided to make the most of our East Coast journey by tacking on 5 days in Maine to continue our autumn excursion. This was my first time driving extensively through Vermont and setting foot in both New Hampshire and Maine and passing through the exploding colors from the turning trees and the quaint New England countryside had been a treat in itself. 

For our first night in Maine, my mom and sister (my dad was just along for the ride) were set on dinner at a trendy lobster roll restaurant in downtown Portland, so we made the trek shortly after checking in.  The cold was a nemesis as we battled for parking and finally made our way into Eventide Oyster Company, a world-famous foody hub and a must eat-at-spot.  Normally this wouldn’t be my scene, expensive, overpriced entrees for an hour-minimum-wait in an overly crowded setting.  If I have any choice, I try to avoid the masses.  But when I’m with other people, I like to partake and indulge in what they value, plus we were on vacation, so it’s even easier to justify any culinary debauchery. 

The food was excellent (Asian lobster rolls, oysters with red onion, kimchi and horse radish flavored shaved ice).  I had never had anything like it on the West Coast before, so the experience proved well worth the wait. 

The next day picked up from where the previous left off.  We found ourselves driving back to downtown Portland and walking among the shops like true tourists. 

Now, this was when the change (more so in my wife) started to become blaringly apparent.  For myself, I hate shopping, and this has always been the case.  It doesn’t matter where we go, I have absolutely no desire to walk around that town’s local shops because I don’t give a shit.  I want to either try new food at the restaurants or spend my time outdoors. 

However, my family was set on shopping that day.  After two hours of walking around I couldn’t take it anymore.  I was literally bored out of my mind and a dreary anxiety that I was wasting away my hard-earned vacation time was building inside of me with each additional step.  Luckily, my wife and I decided to split and found a local hike we could do while we waited, which saved the day for me. 

Then on day two, we took a local trip to Freeport (in my hopes to do some hiking), which I was excited for because now the real vacation could begin since my family had already satiated their shopping fix on the previous day.  But to my horror, while in the car I realized that our main destination in Freeport was to shop at the famous L.L. Bean flagship store.  This absolutely baffled me, because although my family likes to tinker around and experience local vendors, spending our time in a large corporate store while on vacation didn’t make any sense at all, let alone dedicating an entire day to it. 

And to be honest, the disappointment was rather upsetting.  I was trying to keep an open mind and maintain a positive demeanor, but I couldn’t help feeling that my precious vacation time was slipping away, day by day, hour by hour, in not seeing what Maine really had to offer.  I couldn’t understand what was going on.  Why all of this shopping?  why all of this wasteful consumption?

I didn’t know and more frustrating, I didn’t have an answer.  Because I remember most of our previous family vacations as outdoor activities, not indoor shopping excursions. 

Yet, the timing for all of this was uncanny.  My wife just so happened to be practicing a shopping ban due to having recently read “The Year of Less” by Cait Flanders, so all my family’s shopping was feeling even more drastic to her (as well as myself).  I even remember her asking me at one point, why we were continuing to shop when she was purposely trying to uphold her shopping ban and not buy anything?  I had no good answer for her because I was utterly baffled myself. 

Finally, when our day three agenda was to drive up the coast and pop into Camden, for why don’t you guess… yes, shop some more, I put my foot down.  If I had to endure another shopping day, I was going to go fucking nuts. 

So I said I’m taking the car and going on a day trip to Acadia National Park (obviously one day isn’t enough to experience this beautiful park, but it’s all I had to spare.  I can’t wait until I can go back and really explore it.)  If they wanted to shop, that’s fine, I’d drop them off on the way and pick them up on my way back.  But I was going to hike, experience the outdoors and not waste all of my vacation time bouncing around little shops. 

And what happened?  When I drew this line in the sand, everyone joined me and this was by far the best day of the trip.  Sure, it was one long ass day of driving, but Acadia was gorgeous and absolutely worth it.  And after we left the park, guess what we did?  Yep, more shopping in Bar Harbor… hahaha.  Fucking nuts.  I couldn’t get away from it! 

 I think the bottom line for this trip was that it made abundantly clear a shift in mindset for my wife and me.  Although we couldn’t figure out what was up with all my family’s consumption, which isn’t normally like them, the change in ourselves was positive, concrete and inspiring.  And as much as I was proud of how my wife had changed, because shopping was something that she had always struggled with much more than myself, this whole experience also made me reflect on how my own shopping behavior has changed over the years as well. 

Why do we crave, that which we do not need? 

I would never consider myself an impulse shopper, but I was a strategic buyer and two main things would come into play when I would shop: 

1. I would buy things I didn’t necessarily need. 

2. “The it’s on sale so this is such a great deal mania” would push me to purchase things before I needed them. 

For example, I live in Southern California and when Patagonia jackets go on sale I start to salivate.  But if I already have two jackets that work great, why do I need a third, especially if I don’t live in a Winter climate?  Or if there’s a great deal on camping gear at REI, then I want to buy a new tent or sleeping bag, but the wife reminds me that we haven’t even used the purchases we made last year yet.  So, I take a deep breath and put it off. 

And without a doubt, I can happily say that now I am much more cognizant of these changes within me.  It feels good to do more with less, to realize that you’ve done your part and are consuming material goods at a more responsible level.  It’s fun to acknowledge the progress you have made, but at the same time, there is always so much farther you can go. 

So here’s to the journey… here’s to improving… and here’s to experiencing it together. 

I hope everyone stays safe out there and had a great weekend. 

-Q-FI 

P.S.  Have you noticed a cognizant shift in your buying trends over the past several years?  Were you always like this or has FI played a pivotal role in that change?