Are You Taking Advantage Of People Without Even Knowing It?

Have you ever had a time when someone was taking advantage of you and you didn’t know what to do about it?  Or you weren’t even sure if they were aware of it? 

Well, then read on… 

This story cracks me up.  Well, not literally in the funny sense, but more in the bizarre what are the odds this random situation becomes YOUR problem? 

Let’s set the stage (keep in mind this is pre-pandemic). 

My sister just got a new job.  She lives in a back-house on a two-lot property and her neighbor in the front house also works at this same company and helped her get the job.  The neighbor works in a different department than my sister but put in a considerable effort coaching and providing strategic advice to her when interviewing for the job. 

All very nice.  Right?  What a great neighbor to have. 

However, here’s where it gets interesting.  This new coworker doesn’t have a car.  She uses Uber to get to and from work.  But now, my sister and her work at the same campus.  So, the neighbor started asking for rides.  Who wouldn’t in that situation? 

Again, no problem.  This person helped her get the new job – my sister owes her, and they are both traveling to the same location.  So of course, she will give her rides to work… this is the least she can do to show her gratitude.  And she does. 

Now, I want to interject here – car pooling, ride sharing, and co-commuting are great things.  They should be done.  However, these things entirely depend on your schedule.  In my job for instance, I don’t really have a set schedule.  When I’m not traveling, I like to be in the office early morning (5:30am-6am), but when I leave to go home entirely depends on my day – could be anywhere from 5-8pm.  So even, if someone worked in my same department, it would still be difficult to carpool based on this inconsistency.  However, if people do the same job and have the exact same schedule, then of course it can work. 

For clarity, my sister and her coworker work in different departments, have different schedules and although they work at the same campus, they each are in buildings not close to each other.  What I’m trying to say, is that there is some extra coordination involved here. 

Alright, back to the story. 

So, at first, things were fine.  My sister would re-arrange her schedule to help her coworker as best she could.  Bending over backwards and on most days driving her to work and then back home.  No problemo. 

However, after a month, this starts to become a drag.  My sister doesn’t mind commuting with this coworker if it is convenient, but now It’s almost like my sister is walking on eggshells to help keep their schedules aligned.  It’s starting to become burdensome. 

But here’s the real kicker.  The coworker never once has even offered money for gas or any other kind of gratitude.  My sister further tells me that sometimes they have to attend training events together and my sister always has to pay for parking – again no offer of, hey, let me get that since you are always driving and paying for gas.  Is she clueless?   

Pretty fucking weird, huh?  As my sister is telling me about her problem, I’m thinking to myself… 

This is some really fucking bizarre shit.  What are the odds that something like this would ever happen to you?  Does the coworker assume, her helping my sister get the job means she should always get free rides?  She’s saving a lot on Uber to and from work, is she oblivious gas costs money? (I find this impossible to believe) Why never even offer anything?  I don’t know.  What would I do if I was in my sister’s shoes… eventually confront her or make scheduling excuses that I can’t change? (But we live at the same location, so I definitely can’t lie, and how awkward would this be?)  I know what I’d do if I was that coworker – if I was saving money on Uber and someone was helping me, I’d be offering them money or gifts in return – some kind of fair compensation and I’d be appreciative. 

And maybe in the grand scheme of things, this inconvenience isn’t that big of a deal.  But the more I think about it, the more I realize it’s always these little things that wear on us the most – these little injustices that we harbor and try to let go but the resentment builds in its place until we’re ashamed of the bitterness we feel.  They pick and pry at us from our subconscious and taint our emotions like the little nagging mosquitos that they have become.  

Plus, there is your time as well that is at stake here.  During that commute, you lose that limited alone time with yourself to gather your thoughts and organize your mind – you can’t visually plan out your day or mentally prepare for work.  You now must entertain, talk or keep up appearances.  Imagine starting and ending your day with that grudge only burgeoning and snapping at the periphery of your conscience. 

Not healthy.  No, not healthy at all. 

So, this whole story really got me to thinking about how clueless people can be sometimes.  Is it entitlement or is it just lack of awareness?  I don’t have the answer, but it’s killing me because I want to go ask this woman what the fuck is up so bad?  And not necessarily from a you are wrong perspective, but more from a learning point of view – what is it that is going on in your mind that you can’t see your selfishness harming other people? 

Hmmmmmmm… that’s a good one to ponder and let marinate. 

Furthermore, it’s interesting to observe the bubbles we live in.  Because the cold hard truth is that we do.  No matter how great we think we are at being cognizant of other people’s feelings and perspective, we still operate subconsciously from our own egos, from our own perceptions of what matters and is right.  It’s so bizarre to acknowledge these circles that we draw for ourselves from our own limitations. 

So, I know you’re wondering, as I was, how was this conflict eventually resolved?  What is the climax to this epic tale of tragedy and tribulation? 

The answer unfortunately is inconclusive.  In some ways it was resolved and in some ways it wasn’t. 

First, my sister notified the neighbor that her schedule was shifting and to let her know if she would like rides early in the morning.  For the most part the neighbor declined.  Then for rides home my sister was less proactive and if it was convenient, she would reach out.  This led to some awkwardness at first, but then COVID-19 hit, which further solved the problem for now.  Both currently work from home, so what will happen in the future is still anyone’s guess. 

Regardless of how frustrated my sister was with the situation, she still tries to help when she can.  This is pandemic season, so we all need to pull together and put past grudges behind us and help others as often as possible (especially as I write this and both riots and looting are taking place across the country with a deadly virus and record unemployment gnawing at our fragile egos).  Since, her neighbor doesn’t have a car, my sister offers to take her to the store or run other errands when she is going out, but the neighbor usually declines.  Still my sister continues to offer.  Like I said before, this isn’t a time to hold an eye for an eye. 

As I sit here and reflect, this was an odd situation to begin with, that has only become odder.  Yet, isn’t that life?  We never know what kind of peculiar people will be put in our path and how they will react. 

That is, until their bubble is popped… and the rest of the world comes crashing on in. 

-Q-FI 

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P.S.  You ever have some bizarre situation like this happen to you in which you had to navigate the awkward waters of selfishness?  How did you resolve it?